Mazzy Star - Fade Into You

Amos Lee - Morning

I cannot stop.  I don't think I really want to.  Here is a comment by someone for this song.  Couldn't have said it better myself.
"Amos' voice, and this song, are like butter slowly melting over Granny's scratch bisquits...sweet, sumptuous and hot! "

I Think My Bones Just Melted

'Discovered' this artist on my Coffeehouse channel.  I have the perfect word for this voice:  but I shall refrain.  You find your own word.  I've already got mine.

Fascination

My current preoccupation here of late is that of the perplexing multifaceted nature of personalities.  I have always been a keen observer of people, wondering what makes them tick, what makes them do the things they do.  In recent days, in contemplating marriages and choices around me and with myself, I have wondered at the part 'personality' plays, or should play, in the foremost decisions we make in life.

Being the ponderer that I am, it has merely been an additional layer to reach this milestone birthday and be reflective.  Reflectiveness is my middle name (or I wish it was...mine is white-bread 70's bland...)  I have had time lately to think on the first 18-20 years, the latter 15 years or so, and now.  It is interesting to look back and see facets of my true personality embedded throughout my life, but as we often do, we also layer that personality by other's perceptions and expectations of us, especially if we are not fully aware of who we are.  This is probably more often the case than not, when one is around age eighteen to twenty.  There is also the very real possibility of 'losing' yourself to the outer roles and cultural norms to which a person may subscribe.

I discovered last week that I am an INFJ.  My dearest kindred heart, Anna, shared a link to the Jung and Myers Briggs Personality Typology Test and because we are both extremely interested in this type of thing, I took it and was instantly 'hooked' to learn more about not only my personality type, but that of those around me.  I have made some of my friends take it.  I had a few of them pegged.  I made my family take it, particularly in hopes that if my two kids, standing on the brink of the launch of the rest of their lives could take it and have insight into who they were at the very core, they would have an easier time pursuing the paths for their lives.  I have made my parents take it and the understanding I have gained from that is outstanding.  

I have just scratched the surface into this enthralling endeavor.  I hope to post more as I continue to study this, as well as how it applies to choices we make in life.  You may be compelled from this post to tap into the inner workings of your own personality and to those around you.  If anything, it may confirm what you may already know.  My hope is that your discovery will inspire, lift and encourage you to be all you were created to be.

Take the test here:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Then go here as a start to discovering the characteristics of your 'type':

http://www.personalitydesk.com/myers-briggs-resources/personality-type-profiles

P.O.D. - Your Eyes (HQ + Download Link)

Favorite by p.o.d.

Future of Forestry: So Close, So Far

Future of Forestry HAS to be one of my favorite bands...deep lyrics and just a cool sound - very Middle Eastern sound on the track.  This rarely-viewed video is all I could find of this song...difficult to sing and he does sound a little shaky at first and in places...but he is awesome....and this song is one of my favorites by them.....you can see why I adore having a drummer son...LOVE drum beats.

It is worth your while to check it out on their Travel II EP - the sound is incredible.

Here are the lyrics...beautiful.

Here, I'm a stranger in love
With kindness, in love with your 
Kindness
Home, you're the scent of home
When your near me, I'm home when
You're near me

So close, so far and so familiar
Is where you end
And where you came from

Sweet, as they fall from your lips
Like snowflakes, they fall 
like the
Snowflakes
Dream, and the deeper you dream
You are closer to home
You are closer 

Hide by creed

"Let's leave oh
let's get away..."  Sounds perfect!
Love this song.

Normal?

I feel a little bit like I need to redeem myself (not really...) after that '11' post...quirky, yes.  Nothing more.  It's an odd thing when you put yourself 'out there' (for your whooping 5 actual readers...) and open yourself up - the strange, the weak, the incongruent parts.  So I thought I'd put 'out there' the 'normal' little aspects that round out everything else.  We are all pretty complex beings, aren't we, when we get to know ourselves and others deeper?  Yet, we are just simple creatures with similar wants, likes, needs...and oddities, so I found out via the internet google search about seeing the number '11' all the time...but enough about that.

First, nothing makes one a more 'regular joe' than to have a body part just 'give out' for no obvious reason.  I have had two back issues since November.  I have no idea what is going on.  I normally have no trouble at all with my back.  Following the period I went through before this, I am beginning to wonder if this is some sort of "Job-like" experience.  Talk about vulnerable.  I am still drumming up the nerve to display that in all of it's horrendous abyss of darkness.  One day.

So, here is where I spent most of my last week (starting on Friday):

A little slice of my world...and my bathtub.  Yes, I do light candles every time I climb in the tub.  Don't you?

I soaked every day in hopes the continuous pain and pressure would leave.

It did not.

I finally had an x-ray today and found that one of my ribs decided it wanted to be free from the confines of the rib cage and slipped upward.  That would explain the feeling that I had a hot spear pressed into my back between two ribs.  It was, only it was my rib and the heat came from nerves a' flame.  Not comfy.  But normal.

I grumble when I have to take the dog out.  It's weather fitting for penguins, not people.

Ice cream is my weakness, and I don't necessarily consider this a bad thing.

My attire around the house is just pitiful...I really should try to look 'spiffier'...I mismatch and can wear the same sweatshirt for days.

I'm a night owl.

I really am unsettled about this whole 'turning 40' thing.

Meetings zap my energy and (I truly believe) brain cells worse than anything I can think of...

Much to my chagrin, my family can often be found in four corners of the house, 'plugged in' to some sort of confounded screen of one kind or another.  Maddening.  And I am right there with them...

I think I'm addicted to coffee....

Normal.

Martina McBride & Bob Seger - Chances Are

Was on a Bob Seger kick (think 'Night Moves') and came across this one.  A much loved tune from one of my all-time favorite movies set in my grandmother's home town.

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too..." ~Birdie Calvert

Coldplay - Strawberry Swing

While we're on songs that make me want to dance, this one just makes me want to skip holding hands.  I fell in love with this song two summers ago after a Coldplay concert and they gave out free cds and this was on it.  It is the epitome of summer - cold watermelon, sunshine, barefoot, swinging and riding with the windows down.

The video has to be one of the most clever I have ever seen.  Listen.  Then go skip.  See if you aren't instantly happy!

Robert Plant - Angel Dance [Official]

This song was BRAND NEW to me today.  It was playing on the Singer-Songwriter channel on satellite.  I instantly clicked with this song.  The video is great too.  Love all the funny little kids.  It doesn't hurt that it.makes.me.want.to.dance.

Tunes for Tonight

I rocked some .38 Special in my day.  This was one of my favorites.  I remember sneaking my walkman to school and listening to it on my way to some class out in a trailer.

Heard it today.  Love it still.

Best Birthday Gift. EVER. A piece of my childhood.

For my birthday, my parents gave me (early) the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour set.  3 DVDs worth.  I nearly got tears in my eyes.  THIS was a part of my childhood that I honestly did not ever think I would see again.

I A-DORED Cher.  I wanted to be just like her.  So much so, that to cover up my pitiful 'boy' haircut, I asked my Mama to make some long hair for me, and she did.  She cut a pair of red polyester pants that had become too small for me into strands.  I wore the waistband around my head and would flip my 'hair' over one shoulder.  Then the other. Just like Cher.

I loved her outfits.  I would create my own sometimes when I sang to her album into my hairbrush in my room.  One was made entirely of scarves tied together.  It was quite good, if I do say so.  Cher would have worn it.  I just know it.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for giving back a little glimpse at my childhood.

Brevity and Eternity

I heard my name cast into the crowd beside, above, around me.  I turned, and there was this boy, several inches taller than me, arms outstretched wide and the sweetest smile that said, 'surprise' just in the way he held his mouth and the tilt of his head.  I did not recognize him at first.  Not until I really looked at those eyes.

Ice-blue Edge Around the Sun

It was what I could come up with to describe the color they were.  Are.  Never again had I seen eyes that hue.

I fairly shrieked his name and walked right into his embrace.  We chatted a second or two.  Short and sweet.  He was with his friends and I had to catch photos of kids on the sidelines.

In that brief moment I was reminded of eternity.  I will never know how I might have impacted him for the enduring days here and beyond.  I will always carry with me his impact on my life.  Eternally grateful.

Eleven Enigma

Eleven Enigma

 Bear with me...this post makes me a little vulnerable and you may just decide that I am a bit too 'out there' for your liking and politely close this blog for the last time.  I believe, however, that those that really know me will not 'jump ship'.  Those close to me that already know this quirky detail just laugh, smile or poke fun and love me anyway.

Let me preface all of this by saying that after initially being a teeny bit 'weirded out when this enigma began occurring, I just 'roll with it' now, as the popular cliche` suggests.  I do not understand it and generally just smirk when it happens, and move on.  On occasion I might exclaim, out loud, "But of course!!!" when I notice, but other than that, I do not ascribe to any 'secret society', participate in a hidden handshake or have an arcane decoder ring, I promise.

       
I would say that this bizarre anomaly began, strangely enough, right around the time that I began really sensing a 'pull' or call, if you will, to take my solo road trip, back in the spring of 2009.  I remember posting an inquiry on facebook, wondering if it happened to anyone else - noticing 9:11 on clocks and other places where numbers were used.  It began with mostly that combination - 9:11 and then it seemed I was seeing '11' EVERYWHERE.  Every single, bless-ed time I glanced at the clock it was something:11.  Trust me when I say too, I don't just clock watch all day.  It.just.happened.

 
It started from fleeting looks at the clock or when I would get a text message or want to slide unlock my phone to make a call.  Then it began to show up on receipt totals and scoreboards for baseball/football games on t.v.  I would 'happen' to glimpse the stop clock or some other form of counting to find it poised on '11'.

 

Being the nerd that I am, I had to research this peculiarity.  This is the point where my inceptive fear stemmed.  Look up the 'meaning' behind the number 11.  No, I am NOT into numerology or anything of the sort.  Do I believe that numbers are and can be significant?  Yes, I do.  I do not, however, look to them as if they are some horoscope or fortune cookie foretelling in algebraic form.

I do know that the Bible is heavily laden with numbers and that, in my finite understanding, they do have meaning there.  Just in the inquiry into the meaning of numbers in the Bible, it described number ten as being the perfection of Divine order, and eleven is the undoing of that order.  If twelve marks the perfection of Divine government, eleven falls short of it.  In summary, eleven marks disorder, disorganization, imperfection, disintegration and any other dis- I am sure can be found.  There are multiple examples of the collection of eleven in the Bible, depicting things just falling apart.

If you Google, this oddity, you will find a host of people that also have this happen, and of course, there are the assortment of 'lose bolts' out there that espouse to all kinds of unusual ideas as to why this occurs.  Anything from 'angels' to 'other beings' to 'space' to some sort of energy field.  Some believe it is a stark warning.  Others say it is a reminder of blessing.  So which is it?

I am sure you may be thinking by now "Well, it's like when you buy a new car, and suddenly you notice them everywhere.  It is just that, really, isn't it?"  Yes.  I have thought that too.  Who knows?

For what ever it's worth, it happens and I have come to just accept it and smile.  I never once, in a million Mondays said I was the 'norm'.

This was from just one instance yesterday, taken directly off my cell phone...

Check out the time.  Yes, that is my phone.  Those are my babies on the wallpaper, back when they were babies.

And today, when I randomly walked into Courtney's room to dump a pile of clothes she left in the dryer, here is what her clock was 'blinking' at me, having been unplugged earlier:

 blink

 blink

blink

I just had to smile.  One this 11th day of 2011.  This year outta be interesting!

Gavin Rossdale - Forever May You Run

This just inspires me.  I hope it does you too.

Loss for Words but Love Them Still

Here we go again...

Due to time and energy.....I just don't have what it takes to do here what I truly love...but I love words still, so much that here are some, crafted by a beloved poet...e.e. cummings...

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)
trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)
honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at a wedding)
never mind a world
with its villans or heroes
(for good likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth)
in spite of everything
which breathes and moves, since Doom
with white longest hands
neating each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds
-before leaving my room
i turn, and (stooping through the morning) kiss
this pillow, dear
where our heads lived and were.

~e.e. cummings

Ray Lamontagne - Be Here Now

And so, in celebration of 'being here', one of my absolute favorite songs by one of my favorites.

Presence

I want so much to be here longer, but as usual the day is fast closing, and I can no longer bask in the luxury of being a night owl.  I had to come here just to say I am so glad to be able to say I can be here.  I had a near-miss today that was entirely not of my doing and unlike the common saying, "My life flashed before my eyes", mine froze still.

Today was our first day back as a teacher work day and I could feel the familiar edging of despair threatening to creep over my peace.  After a somewhat unproductive first half of the day, I set out to run errands on my lunch break, knowing that at least in that, I could say I got something done today.

I determined to 'be in the moment' and remember all that was going well.  I had dropped off my last bill, and was headed to school again on the back road toward the high school that would take me to the highway.  Singing to a little Allison Krauss, I approached a curve that has proven to be treacherous, if not deadly, for some in our county.  Just a few years ago, two girls, going about 80, took that curve and never lived to see another day.

I looked to see a white car at the top of the crest, and from my vantage point, appeared to be on my side of the road.  As is often the case in frightening situations, time seemed to hit slow motion and now this car, having lost control, was spinning out and then sliding towards me sideways.  Split decision to get out of his way proved not to be the best choice:  the road dropped off at least six feet and I could not risk that.

Smashing the breaks, we hurdled toward one another in the moment of inevitable change.  His back tires were off the pavement now, throwing dirt and rocks my way as if adding insult to injury.  I was headed for his driver's side.

I could see his plaid shirt.

        He was young, maybe my son's age or a little older.

He had a hat and brown sideburns.

      I was that close.

Within seconds he gunned it and shot across the two lanes and ended up on the other side of the road, stopped.  He had not hit anything.  He had not careened over into the nearby field.  He just managed to save his life mere feet from impact.

I was stopped in the road, stunned, and then shaking so badly that all I could do is look over to see that he was fine, sitting upright and bewildered.  I did not get out to check - my legs had gone to water and couldn't have made it across the road.  Besides I was still sitting in the very vertex of this curve, unknowing what may be headed this way.

I drove on up a short way to a little dirt road on the right to pull off and gather myself.  My mouth had gone dry but when my voice came out of hiding, "Thank you, Jesus!" burst from somewhere within.

Again I felt His Presence in the midst of chaos.

Sleepsong with lyrics

This is a beautiful Irish lullaby that makes for a blessing for all in the New Year.  Sweet Dreams.

One Word

My word for this year - Intentional.


Intent -
n. - 1. a determination to act in a certain way; resolve 2. import, significance 3. a. what one intends to do or bring about. b. the object for which prayer, mass or pious act is offered.  4.  a process or manner of healing of incised wounds.  5. concept especially a concept considered as the product of attention directed to an object of knowledge.  6.  (plural) purpose with respect to marriage (intentions)
synonyms:  intention, intent, purpose, design, aim, end, object, objective, goal - mean what one intends to accomplish or attain.

In lieu of traditional resolutions, I've determined a spin that a) takes into consideration God's higher plan and purpose and b) allows for the true fluidity of the nature of life in the day-to-day.    There are key areas that my intent will focus:
-relationships
-health and well-being
-finances


This may seem like a cop-out - that it generalizes too far to be considered worthy.  I can see that it would be easy to say "I brushed my teeth today (health) so I have been intentional."  No. I have never been one to trivialize anything, and won't start now.  I plan to be intentional with those areas of my life by posing two questions:
As the day begins, "How can I be intentional today?"
At each day's close, "How was I intentional today that made an impact on me and those around me?"

It may not appear much different than resolutions but I see it as a way to approach hopes and goals with more gentleness and grace.  Life is hard enough without pinning a litany of 'rules' on yourself that become a legalistic noose, setting yourself up for failure.  As opposed to saying,  "I will run every day", my intent toward better health will be "How can I be intentional with my health today?"  It may take the shape of running or it may be a pilates class but then it might just be dancing in the kitchen with my daughter, but I will be able to say that I did something for my health that day.

Does that mean I will take the 'easy' road?  Not for a second.  I probably have more lofty wishes for myself in this next year than ever.  I just no longer want to hem myself in to some prescribed plan.  My plan is to just let it go with the flow.

I felt that so much of last year was an act of going through the motions or being carried along on a wave I could not escape.  Thus Intentional will be my word for this new year.  To offer my life as an act of prayer in the things that are significant.

Accomplishment

I have always been a contemplative person, especially around the start of a New Year.  I can recall taking a short walk to the playground across from my childhood home to sit in a tire swing for the purpose of reflecting on the year that had gone, as well as the one that was to come.  I believe the New Year's Day walk was born there, in that little plot of Texas suburbia.

Just a few days ago, I became unhinged at the idea that a year was closing and it all seemed a blur.  I could not pull up one thing that seemed worthy, accomplished or important.  A year of my life had passed, and it was nondescript.  It did not even warrant a byline.  I also noted that for the better portion of four months I had been anchored to the bottom of a dark chasm.

Then I remembered it was a 'season of being'.  I had been reminded over and over throughout the year, particularly in the summer and fall, that we were made to be human beings not human 'doings'.  I was not being asked to jump through rings of fire or leap tall buildings.  I was just to 'be'.

So I decided to look through a pictorial of the past year and know that in being, I accomplished much.

Got to tag along with my Dad in his 'element' and chase waterfalls, as well as learn a little something about photography in the process.  He truly is inspiration to me.

Had a butterfly land on me while chasing waterfalls.  I'd say that is accomplishment.

I took this.

And this...

Grew my very first hydrangea.

Acquired another stamp in the passport - Mexico.

Where I did a lot of this....

...and where I danced on yet another balcony under this sky...

Made my first ever cheesecake.

Witnessed my Dad swoop my Mom up in a spontaneous dance around the street to a song from 'their day'.  This was 4th of July.  The next day they celebrated 40 years.

Took a Girls' Adventure with my beautiful daughter to Florida.

Challenged myself on another Girls' Adventure to rough it on a little island off the coast of North Carolina.  (post to come...)

Chased butterflies and photos with Dad on the World Wide Photo Walk

Followed the rainbow...

Rescued this gorgeous butterfly from out of the middle of the road.  He was still alive.

Gave him a home by sharing my Gerber daisy with him.

Rafted with my family (minus Zach - he was at drum camp, and Mom - catch you on the zipline!)

Witnessed these two become fast friends...

Found my long-lost thumb ring, beloved scratches, dents and all...

Did an abundance of sky gazing...

2010 was a great year to 'be'.