Alone - Trampled by Turtles - Lyrics.wmv

This.  Discovered this band/song this morning.  Love the sound.  Love the lyrics.  Love.

Got Him! Pic-O-the-Day

This B52 (what I call bumblebees) harassed me since last night.  I was perched out on the deck reading and he/she/it hovered continually overhead.  I was out there again this afternoon and he came to visit again.  Apparently they are social insects.  This one doesn't understand the mores of polite social interaction - call before dropping by.  So as he buzzed over me, and swayed left to right, I grew determined to try and capture it in flight.  Got him!

I have to say, as I study this picture, I am quite impressed with my camera phone.  You can detect the filmy nature of his wing, the sun reflecting off his back and the antennas.  Unreal.

U2 Bad with lyrics

One more...I'm digging way back and oh how I love this song...

I'm Gonna Be

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers

Fridays need fun songs.  This is one of my absolute favorites.  It is from one of my all-time favorite movies, Benny and Joon starring a young Johnny Depp (*sigh) and Mary Stuart Masterson.  This one is a blast to sing.  Go on.  Try it.

meh.

I was not here yesterday.  I was here, but not here.  I was commiserating with a squirrel on my back deck.  Lately the birdseed on my deck rails has been attracting the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed variety of woodsy animal, and at first I shoo'ed them away so that the birds wouldn't be frightened.  Now I leave them be.  It's a forest creatures buffet and all of them dine in unity and peace (except for the bully male cardinals - *sigh*).  I had fallen down on my 'old bird lady' duties and it was evening.  The only delectable morsels were dangling in the glass birdfeeder, its too-small perch holding only a few kernels.  There were no birds or other squirrels but this one determined squirrel, clinging to the post with its back legs and reaching with all its might, straining towards the feeder as it swayed and batted elusively away from the hungry squirrel.  He stretched and inched higher, but the feeder would not relent.  After all, it was not made for him.

Then he did a curious thing:  he made his way back down the post to the railing, and flopped down on it on his belly.  He was sprawled completely flat against the wood, his left leg draped over the side and twitching, arms stretched out in front of him and he put his chin down on the railing.  Dejected.  Disappointed.  Let down.  He lay there, defeated in his inability to grab hold of the object of his desire.  He was facing me, and as our eyes seemed to meet, tears slid down my cheek.  Here I was, having a bonding moment with a squirrel.

So it was that kind of day.  Today my stance was 'meh'.  And now I know it's all good, and life goes on.  Besides, I think I've found a friend with whom I can relate.   

Pics From the Last Couple of Days

These odd pictures are from Tuesday night.  I had had a stellar day that day, having spent it with my dear, kindred heart, Anna.  We had a 'just us' day - we'd not talked or spent any time together at all since summer.  We were long overdue so we headed to the city for a spa day - ah yes, paraffin and facials, and exfoliations and massages.  Then we drove in search of a place to eat and talk, but mostly to talk because we had many words left built up to share that we were piling up words upon words and layers and layers of sentences so fast that we needed more space and time to make room for them all.  We needed so much space that we opted to dine outside on a patio, enjoying excellent Thai fare and the spring breezes.  Afterward, we went into a little shop that sold fair trade items and both left with incense  - hers patchouli, my aunt's favorite scent, and mine, sandalwood.  This is what you see in the picture on top.  We rolled back up the highway, this time with the top down, and she was so thirsty for sunlight to reach her winter hidden skin she rolled up sleeves and pant legs and took off her hat to turn her face more towards the sun.  We were flying down the highway, flinging words like confetti out of the car into the wind.  My day ended with the incense lit, prayers and praise lifted up with the scent.  This was the day my son would fly over new waters and into lands far away.  I felt I had to pray for as long as I could, somehow willing my words to carry him safely there.  To say this day was restorative is an understatement.

The second picture is my attempt to capture the haunting smoke swirling.

This was from yesterday morning, but I could have taken an identical picture from this morning.  I believe that I might need an intervention.  These aren't two left-over coffee mugs sitting in my car's console.  These aren't mine and another person's...BOTH of them are mine.  Freshly poured mugs - for me.  Should I be worried?

Charlie Haden and Pat Metheny - The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress

This melted my bones and relaxed me in ways I didn't realize I needed.  Lay back and listen.

Trio of Pics

I can redeem this endeavor by stating that I often take more than one picture a day.  I make up for the mundane days.  Here are three from yesterday:

Lately, my eye is drawn to color.  Masses of it. Tangles and swirls of color.  This is the blanket I used on the hammock yesterday.  While we are topping at high 70's temps., I feel a bit 'airish' when the clouds cloak the sun.  So the need for this - the gift from my daughter's trip to Guatemala last year.  These colors are beyond beautiful to me.  When I envision my home on the hill in Nicaragua, I see lots of color against the calm of white.

I found clusters of these below my hammock.  Just stop for a second and think - The GOD of the Universe devised this most fascinating way to procreate the tree population.  He could have done it in many a various unassuming ways, but he chose whimsy and color to get the seeds where they need to go.  Just ponder this simple creation for a minute.  Let.it.sink.in.

So far I have documented the 'view' from above my actual hammock in winter and summer, and possibly fall too.  This is spring's version: a canopy of new birth.

Is This You?

I've heard it said, you can start a 'diet' over again with your hand mid-chip bag.  I do carry this same mentality.  The idea of 'I'll start again Monday' is a cop-out.  It is a license to keep flubbing, often making  room for an even grander tumble from the proverbial wagon.  You end up worse off than if you had just accepted your slight error in judgement and picked yourself right back up and stayed the course.

So I've realized it is time to take a hard and honest look at my own progress.  I will already admit it:  I have not done well at all.  It is one of the reasons I usually never make the standard "It's January 1 - I need to make resolutions" resolutions.  After all, they're so......resolute.  I wish I operated more that way.  Yet, it is an area that I have the possibility for struggle, depending on the situation.  These words and phrases I aspire to, but I'm not yet there: 'firm', 'determined', unwavering', 'marked by firm determination', 'steady'.


The truth is, it is embedded within my nature and personality to always be pursuing improvement.  I am daily/weekly/monthly giving myself evaluations to measure the 'state of the union' that is me.  I don't necessarily need the looming, heavy, sharp, gleaming, steel, yearly resolutions, like a guillotine's blade.  Yes, that is how resolutions feel to me.  


I believe in being real, so here's the actual link where I listed, publicly, what I hoped to aspire in the New Year......are you kidding me?  Was I hopped up on caffeine?  What was my problem?
http://hammockinthehoneysuckle.blogspot.com/2012/01/what-to-do-what-to-do.html

I see multiple problems with the list, first and foremost, the bless-ed thing has SEVEN items.  SEVEN  large items.  I see some contradictory elements as well, and as much as contradictions thread my nature, they can not be placed within one list of resolutions successfully.  I placed a YEAR OF STILLNESS within a schedule of ORGANIZING THE ENTIRE HOUSE and PHYSICAL FITNESS, particularly P90 - has anyone ever told you that program kicks your behind from Monday back to Saturday and starts all over again?  Yes, it does. Sufficiently.


So here's my run down.  Why am I displaying all my failings for all the world (or three) to see?  So you will feel better about where you are, and together we will move forward with realistic goals for REAL life.  Oh, I can not WAIT for my April blog post for 'realness'.  What would you rather have?  Real?  Or illusion?  Think on that.  I will expect that you will come back to it and share your thoughts on the upcoming post about 'real'.  


So here's the list, posted somewhere in very early January.  Back when I must have had loads of coffee and too much time on my hands...


1)Take a pic-a-day.......erm...
Okay, folks - I think I explained that my days can often be fairly routine.  They are not filled with a baby's first anything (although youngest now has an official boyfriend.....I hope to reserve a post for that soon).  I don't 'do' daily menu pics.  I could paint you a lovely word picture of today.....it was filled with blue sky for rooftop, spring scents wafting on the breeze and blooms astounding me around every corner. But here was the day  - I raced out of the house, coffee already cooling in my hand to zip up the highway.  One spell of sitting on the side of the road to revamp the day's plans because, *dad gum* - I"m running late, let's restructure the day.  One hour of sitting in on a classroom lesson (no pics allowed).  One hour of watching a student's video lesson because they changed their schedule and I won't be observing.  Another session of sitting in the car to re-revamp the day's schedule.  *Sigh*- I"m going home.  I'll come back for the afternoon meeting.  End up at home on the phone listening to polite 'wait time' elevator music to tackle the 462 phone calls I needed to address.  Sit outside to greedily soak up any Vitamin D that finds its way into my welcoming pores.  Check all the appropriate means of communication (how in the world did we arrive at our lives being easier by having 2 additional emails plus Twitter, etc to check?).  Throw on appropriate professional attire again and sail back up the highway.  Wait 30 minutes for all to show up.  Meet for half hour.  Blaze back down the road and get to the bank before closing.  Run through the grocery for the minimal needs for the week since DH will be away.  Have I said before, I can live on water, coffee, salads/greens, and chips and salsa?  Check.  Get home and piddle for 40 minutes before getting dressed to race back up the high way for a mandatory parent meeting that youngest needs for me to attend.  So there we are.  What part of that riveting schedule would you like captured for all time and emblazoned across the hammock for admiration?  I am toying with a humorous daily post where I do pull out the stops and actually take a picture of a moment from my day each day and post it here.  So you too, can revel in my ordinariness.

2) God in the Yard - somewhere in between a friend 'living' with me for a month, a major sinus/bronchial infection and a dastardly stomach virus, this endeavor fell by the way-side.  I did get out to my actual hammock yesterday, and curled up to savor the silence.  I do have a picture to document the occasion.  I do hope to jump right back into this right about now.

3)  Organization - I'm going to pause to let that word sink in.  Let it meld within and around your entire psyche.  Yes.  It is huge.  The mother of expectations.  I made baby steps here.  I cleaned out a closet, a son's room (okay, for this one, I should receive some large reward) and a pantry.  I have grand intentions and I"m not done yet.  The summer's not here.  This one is a 'to be continued'.

4)Physical fitness  I think I could refer you to item number two above...when a friend needs me, needs me more at the moment than anything, you better bet I will be there, sitting in one place, unmoving, foot or posterior going to sleep - whatever it takes.  P90 fell away between this and my body deciding to try out the various and sundry viruses and such that were floating about in the air.  Call them excuses.  No guts, no glory.  I am starting over this week.  Life happens.  It's all good.  I have a 10K to get ready for (PEACHTREE!!  I've been accepted!) so that is my focus.

5)  Ramp up the writing - This is where I am pressing in at the moment.  I want this to count.  I have been doing small things.  I will start doing the bigger things.  I trust.

6)Not touch the phone in the car except when stopped.  .....work in progress....

And then I had the audacity to ADD a SEVENTH - A poem a week.  This one has been easier to stay with since I've had some encouragement to continue the fridge poetry.  Don't fix what ain't broke, right?

And so, I move forward.  Tomorrow is another day.  My sentiments, exactly.

Tangle of Color

Pic-O-The-Day
Pulled these warm and scented from the dryer.  They felt like they'd been stretched out on a shore's warm sand.  Their colors all blended together made me think of what lies ahead.

Needed This

Ever need a personal anthem, for the moment, sometimes?  I need THIS song.  Danced around to it just a minute ago.  Enjoy.

KT Tunstall - Throw Me a Rope [With Lyrics]

Pain-Free...

...my behind.

THIS is what I have been staring at aaaaaaaallllll day.  This is my bill/checkbook organizer (and I use that term loosely).  Nothing freezes me up and creates more unproductiveness than staring at the checkbook.  I've had one of those days, and I think I am going to go find something else to do for a short while and see if I can come back in a better frame of mind.

Also, I have been a bit overwhelmed.  I am looking at revamping the blog and ramping it up, but apparently there is an entire blogging universe out there complete with blog lingo and bloggity bloggishness that I have been blissfully unaware.  This all discovered on a day that my very own minute corner of blog suburbia has had two drive-bys.  *sigh*

 I think I'll go pull weeds.

Collection of Pics (Catch Up)

I honestly don't think I take a picture-a-day.  Some days it is a stretch to really find something unusual or interesting to capture.  Or maybe I'm not looking hard enough, or with different eyes.  I know some people who are doing the 365 picture-a-day project and every picture is of their baby.  Don't get me wrong - I love babies.  I had two of my own that I thought were so adorably delicious I could just eat them up.  Amazingly, I had my two before the days of digital and before everyone documented EVERY moment ("Look!  This is what I"m eating for dinner!" "Look!  This is me after my dentist appointment, hopped up on nitrous oxide!").  Let me insert my big but here...But snapping pictures of the same things (or people, or dogs, or dinner...) gets old.  There.  I said it.


You could probably say the same thing about my pictures.  They truly only have meaning for me.  I share them anyway for you couple or so folks that might remotely care.  The trouble I run into with trying to take a picture-a-day is multifaceted: a) I don't have little cherub babies anymore and I'm not sure I would take a picture of them every single day, if I did. b) I am by myself now 95% of my day, not counting time that I am with student teachers in a classroom full of kiddos, and there are rules about taking pictures of them without permission...So unless you want to see LOTS of self-pics - you know, the ones where I'm smiling up the length of an arm that disappears somewhere in the lower part of the shot, fahget about it.  I am not a huge fan of self pics...I will do them occasionally because, like I said, I'm by myself a lot, but to me, it's like running around saying "Look at me!  Look at me!  Watch this!"  c) I could creep on my daughter, and although she loves having her picture taken, she would probably find this unsettling to have her mother taking pictures of her constantly.  


So you see my dilemma.  It is why I take pictures of inanimate objects and the sky.  I find them interesting in ways the average eye might not see, so I share them.  


Here are a few to exemplify what I'm talking about:

Day of trolling the outlets with my girl.  

The resort where we stayed in Orlando has the thickest, most lush St. Augustine grass.  It reminded me of my childhood lawn.  St. Augustine grows full and hearty in Texas.  So I got down on my hands and knees for this shot.  Yep, butt in the air, head to the ground.  I'm at a point in life that I really don't care if others think I've lost it.  It's really okay.  This shot reminds me of lines of a favorite DMB song, 'Dreamgirl'.

I was feelin’ like a creep
As I watched you asleep
Face down in the grass,
in the park, in the middle
of a hot afternoon
Your top was untied
And I thought how nice
It’d be to follow the sweat down your spine.

Thought this was a cool shot.  I look like I'm made of shadows and St. Augustine.

Do you remember this shot?

Incidentally, I walked this path several days after discovering my little love note petal.  I inspected the flowering bush closely, and did not see another petal that was shaped quite like this one.  Believe me or not, this heart was for me.

And then...

You see the little green onion heart floating there in my bowl of Japanese onion soup at Benihana?  Yes, I saw it.  

And the next day...

Directly in front of the windshield on the way home.  A trio of hearts.  Important things come in threes.

I am not a 'foodie'.  It is why I often find pictures of people's dinner posted on facebook as a little silly.  To me, food is a means to an end.  It's fuel, and while I do enjoy a good meal, I don't obsess or fantasize about it.  I know people who do.  However, I was chopping various vegetables last night to cook - something I haven't done in a while, and I was overcome in appreciation for the beautiful colors.  God is so creative.  He made His food - the food He meant for us to eat, colorful, like a party.  We have tried, poorly, to mimic this artistry in the manmade confections that we 'label' food.  He does it best.

Chazaq

"I've got to lay down my right to impatience, impatience with myself."

This.  This was spoken by my eldest last week as we were visiting him and discussing the upcoming golf outing with his Dad after not having played in months.  The conversation carried on but I sat frozen in time, those words echoing again and again in my stunned stillness.

This was spoken by my son - my type A, 'need to have it yesterday', 'it has to be now' offspring.  As I type this, the words blur, my heart welling again at the wonder of God and how He works. Marveled.  Humbled.  Awestruck.


I wasn't sure how it would be to send forth my child and not see them for months at a time.  This new phase is just that - new, and I have not yet read the 'manual' on how to begin to see your child as young adult, maker of their own life and decisions.  I'm getting there, but not quite.  


This next phase of his experience is a journey of greater trust.  I fully grasp the idea that our children aren't really ours but on loan.  We release them to the fullness of who they were created to be when we relinquish our hold on them, when we literally say to God, 'Do Your will' and speak that over our children as they grow up.  It is easy to say when we are thinking, 'bless them', 'protect them', 'guide them'.  Not so easy when they step out in boldness and walk a path that is not safe, not cushy- comfortable.  


The night before we picked him up from base to spend the weekend with us, we decided to try the new show, 'Missing' with Ashley Judd.  I found myself enjoying the action and the lead actress taking on anyone in her way in her quest to find her son.  I was fine right up until they showed the video where she finally saw what had happened to her son while he was living in Italy to study abroad-he was kidnapped.  I felt a force like a blow hit my gut and tears came.  I had to get up and leave the room.  I could not watch this before Zach was to go to a place where this very thing could happen.

As we talked to him more about what was ahead, the realization of the realities of what he could encounter came over me.  We laughed before at the changing of his name on social networking sites, but now see that it is for his safety.  They have been instructed on the security issues they will likely face.  They have rehearsed 'coded' language to use when they converse.  This is serious and the risks are high. They are headed into a closed country.

'Dear God, hold me up.'


I know He's holding him.  He is right where he is supposed to be.  I won't hear from him at all because they are not allowed to go into any internet cafes or make calls out.  All of it is monitored.  And so, God...


hold     me     up.


Chazaq


This is the Hebrew word for 'courage' and it conveys the best or most complete meaning of the word.  It is found 290 times in the Old Testament.  Among many of the varying definitions, depending on the context where it was used, it means - 'to be strong', 'to grow strong', 'to prevail', 'to make bold', 'encourage', 'to withstand', 'to have or keep or take hold of', 'hold up', 'support', 'sustain'.

So I will speak 'courage', chazaq - word prayers over my son and over myself.  His words -


'grow strong' 
        'be strong'
'prevail'               'be bold'
        'encourage'

And mine-

'be strong'      'be encouraged'
        'withstand'
'hold up'      'sustain'

Last night, we went to hear our daughter, our youngest, speak at youth.  It is student month and they lead it.    I watched as she spoke with transparency and boldness.  It is not easy to get up in front of a crowd.  More so when you are sixteen and in front of your peers.  Yet, she spoke with authority and conviction and I was humbled yet again.

The words of chazaq are for her as well -


'press in'        'display strength'
         'grow in strength'
'be courageous'         'be resolute'




Chazaq for us all.

Blast It Anyway

Geez, be gone a week and the world is spinning like a top when I return.  I think hope that I can breathe tomorrow around 10.  Will you join me?


In the meantime, here's one of the back track pics from Saturday.  We are smiling because it is now spring. We are smiling girls because we loooove the sun.  We are NOT orange - we are looking directly into the sun because daughter says, "oooooo oooo Mom!  Let's take a picture of us here in the sun because it makes our eyes so pretty!"  Too bad you can't see mine because they are half mast and squinty.  Good times.

What I'm Reading Pic

This is what I am currently reading.  It is a funny, irreverent encouragement for anyone who is compelled to write.  She encourages 1000 words a day, among other things...this feels like quite a tall order but I am up for the challenge and will share some of those snippets here.

I love this quote, among many, from the book:
'Wake up!  Keep waking up!  Wake up more and more often.  Look at your life with the "keen, trained eyes of the novelist." ~Carolyn See

Bottom line:  tell your story.

Little Love Everywhere

Yeah, to you this is probably just a loose petal, blown onto the sidewalk.  It was the only one I saw on the path, right in my way, and to me, it is a Valentine from God.  Every day is Valentine's where He's concerned because He IS LOVE.  I see 'hearts' like this everywhere and it is His whisper to me, "I love you."

Random Talent Pic-O-the-Day

Tying a cherry stem with my tongue.  Yep.  I know.  What a talent.

Treehouse

While getting a tour of the acres on base, Zach took us to a treehouse that they have been adding to since they discovered it recently.  It was at least 25-30 feet up in the crook of a huge Florida pin oak and I am taking this with zoom from the ground.  I tried to climb it...and chickened out...yeah...there are some heights issues still present.  I'm comfortable with that.

Blissful Days Pic-O-the-Day

Okay, just so we're clear, I am NOT a big fan of self-pics...you know, the constant snapping of oneself from the armpod pictures...I promise.  Really.  I am most comfortable behind the pen and behind the lens.  However, there are just times I have to capture a particular mood or 'feel' to a day, like this one.  This was as I was leaving my nephews' house on a warm, clear blue day.  Great tunes on satellite.  Bonus that the sun streaked rays across the shot.  This one just looks like 'happy'.

Back Track Pics

 It was hard to take it all in with a camera phone but this was part of the blanket fort I built for the boys.  To the left out of the picture, the blanket lifts and connects to the tv doors so they had their own 'theater room'.  If I'd been particularly adventurous and brave, I would have located a ladder to add height to the middle of it.  However, it was a huge hit.  They had a few tunnels and 'coves' to tuck away into inside.  They dragged their blankets and pillows and decided to sleep there for the night.

 Sweet brothers.

Since I'd used EVERY chair in the kitchen, including the bar stools, they had nowhere to sit for breakfast in the morning so I set out chairs in the little breakfast nook by the window.  I pretended to be their waitress and they got a kick out of that.

Slight Infatuation Pics-O-The-Day

 I have an unabashed love affair with the firmament.  Not in worship of it, the created, but of the Creator, the Artist of each new painting displayed each day and night.

" How clearly the sky reveals God's glory! How plainly it shows what he has done!  Each day announces it to the following day; each night repeats it to the next.  No speech or words are used, no sound is heard;  yet their message goes out to all the world and is heard to the ends of the earth. God made a home in the sky for the sun;  it comes out in the morning like a happy bridegroom, like an athlete eager to run a race.  It starts at one end of the sky and goes across to the other. Nothing can hide from its heat." Psalm 19:1-6


This shot was taken right above me - palm and cloud, sun and sky.  

 Fascinating layers.

I think my Dad, the landscape photographer, would be proud of this one.  The shadows and depth.  The sun illuminating the lake below.  The framing of trees on either side.  The sun, almost perfectly arched, like a child's drawing, poised on a bed of evening clouds.  This was taken on the base where my son has been since January.  Over 200 acres to work and explore.

Sleepy Me

I don't like to not do what I said I would, but I am just settling in at the condo. I still very much have beach hair and sand tucked away. I truly love how the scent of the ocean clings to me and I hesitate to wash it away.

Eyelids are half mast and I long to sleep while the crash of waves still lulls in my ear. Good night and sweet dreams. My dreams reside by the sea.

On-the-Road-Poetry

What do you do in the car on long trips to pass the time? If you're me, you write poetry on the notepad on your phone.




Sundress
Slow moves and
Sandals toppled 
Like fallen soldiers
Stars sparkling
Through sweetgum leaves
Strawberries and sauvignon
Sweeten your breath
As you say my name and
Seal promises whispered
Against my sunkissed 
Skin

Will Return

We're headed to the beach today.  In fact, they are waiting for me..."Are you coming?"

 I have more pictures and some writing to share.  I have been partially 'unplugged' for the last several days and it has been nice.  Other than a few hits on facebook since it is my only means of communication with Zach right now, and my new obsession, scramble with friends - wanna play?  I"m 'carrie8991'.  Come find me if you're up for the challenge!!!

I'll be here this evening to finish posting.  I've missed you all dearly.

Two Precious Boys

While babysitting, I spent the majority of my time with the two youngest.  The two oldest had school and then basketball and football.  We had a good time 'chillin'.  Here is Brooks watching me while I colored pictures for Emerson and talked to him.  He looks as though he is hanging on my every word...

 Emerson loved playing in the sand box.  I taught him how to really get a good sand castle form using butter tubs.

 THIS exemplifies Emerson's personality.  He is quite the character, and will probably grow to be the comedian of the crew.  The first morning we were getting everyone dressed, he thought it would be humorous to put the clothing articles in different places other than their normal location...and I let him.  You can't see that his t-shirt is up around his waist.  Underwear: on the head, pants on the arms, socks on the hands.  This is how THIS three-year-old rolls.

Beautiful Luna

This looks like an eye.  I took it while babysitting (the kids were all asleep) and I knew it was a full moon.  It makes me think of God, and how He is always looking out for us, even when He is silent.

Product Endorsement #3 Pic-O-the Day

Discovery:  I tried this while babysitting last weekend.  It is my new favorite beverage...this comes in various flavors and it could easily, completely replace my desire for Coke Zero (although I have backed WAAAAY off on that and only partake of that a couple of times a week.  I know it's not good for you.  It's why I am trying to get it out of my system.)

THIS, on the other hand, it a refreshing, carbonated delight and it is simply water with a little flavoring.  There are no poisonous artificial sweeteners and no sodium.  The coconut is my favorite but lime is also tasty.  I look forward to trying the other flavors as well.

So THIS is Why We Have Babies Young!!

After a loooooooong meeting (that could have been accomplished in 30 minutes flat), I headed down and arrived at my brother-in-law's house by 6.  Their Papa was waiting patiently near the door to hand off the baton and head out.  My oldest nephew was at basketball so I had the other three - ages 7 months, three and five.  We started out by tossing fun stuff from the balcony but with a little redirection, we were good to go.

I had FORGOTTEN how constant it is when you have little ones.  Nonstop.  We rolled on the floor a little, and I was amazed at how rough and tumble the other two were with the baby...but then I remembered I was in a house of boys.  He didn't seem to care in the least.  He rolled right along with it - grinning through glistening slobber.

Could you not just want to eat his cheeks right off this face?

At one point we settled in for some drawing.  The other two had grand ideas for creations for their Mom and Dad.  This one decided he would just chew on the nearest anything and grab for my nose.  That was apparently more amusing.

It was nearing crunch time - you know...bedtime routine.  Do you remember those days?!?!  It's like a shot is fired, and you begin to hear 'Flight of the Bumblebee'.  Imagine a bedtime routine times four?  I remember a LOOOOONG time ago, the feeling of not being able to take a breath until the last song was sung, and the words of the bedtime prayer still floated on the air.  The only thing left to do was collapse. That was after only two kiddos.  Nonetheless, they were great, and I was able to interject some fun and frivolity into the whole bit - playing a game of 'beat the clock' to get the toys picked up (never mind that they were flung into the piano room...I never did say to put them away.  Fair enough.) and giving galloping trots on my back from the stairs to the living room or wherever they needed to go.  They were fabulous.  

One of the highlights of my night - getting read to!  Makes this reading teacher proud!


Just wait...tonight was a school night, but tomorrow - we build forts.

So It Can Be Done Any Ol' Day...

Pic-O-Yesterday

Yeah, yeah...I know.  I've read all the facts, participated in all the naysayers' raining on our parade....I KNOW this has nothing to do with anything cosmic in the universe.  We just had to try it...and it was pretty cool.  For a moment, I had my girl excited about something science-y!  Gimme a break!

Random Blathering

Just when I thought things would 'let up' for a bit, they pushed in and pressed hard for another full week of 'the crazies' and I am along for the ride.  Or I might be driving the bus, I am not sure.  We have endured the stomach virus from the pit of Hades.  We have stood brooms up in our foyer by themselves (yes, we jumped right on that bandwagon.  Physicists out there, feel free to inform us on why this is not associated with the solar flares or the equinox or any of the other myriad of reasons people are standing brooms and eggs up all over the nation.  We just might learn something.)

I am headed just slightly south this evening for two nights to babysit my nephews.  Four of them.  Ages seven months to nine.  Four boys.  This will be a regular hoot and holler.  I hope they have lots of blankets.  I personally can not WAIT to build an enormous fort in their living room.

Beyond that, I will return for one night in my own bed before we traverse even further south to Orlando to see our eldest.  This will be the last time we get to do so before he heads out of the country.  Against every grain of my upbringing, I agreed to take youngest out of school for the week, considering it isn't her spring break, to have her go with us.  I am glad I did.  To be quite frank, I don't think she is going to miss much, and I am a firm believer that an education should be extended beyond the four walls of a classroom.  We have to deem this an 'educational trip'.  She is going to have to write a paper and keep a log.  No worries there.  I will make sure there is an educational element infused in the experience.  She will also get to spend a couple of days shadowing the team and auditing the classes since she is also considering this path upon graduation.  Of course there will be plenty of poolside lounging.  Yes, there most certainly will be a day or two spent beside the ocean.  There is a possibility of an excursion to the Holocaust Memorial Resource and Educational Center of Florida as well.  This trip will be chock full of learnin'.  Most of all, family comes first, and this is important.

Finally, I am ecstatic because I have the opportunity to go to a conference at the end of April/first of May.  It is in Chicago for the International Reading Association and I will fly solo up there to the windy city.  This thrills me beyond belief.  New experiences spark me like nothing else.  I look forward to it, and to posting all about it while I'm there.  I will be at the tail end of my a-to-z challenge so I should have some 'zany' things to tell.

So I post Fridge Poetry early and hope to stop in during the next couple of nights after I've put the sleepy little fellas to bed.  Have a marvelously fabulous day!

I.Love.This.

Reason I Love My Teenagers Pic-O-The-Day

Walked out and found my daughter's car (our car that she drives...) like this.

Upside-Down Economy of This World

We have got it all wrong.  Not only is our world completely upside-down and opposite of the way it was originally intended, but we, in it, are getting it all backwards and catawampus and cockeyed.  We have set it all askew and we walk around thinking we've got it all figured out.  It makes me both sad and angry to know that because this is so, thousands - no millions, are missing the message that they are loved because the message we are sending is that we want them to be good/upright/cleaned up/pure/conservative...you name it.  We throw lifeboat inflation instructions at people instead of the encircling arms of a life ring that says, 'let Love take hold' and see what happens.

I just finished reading Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller, a collection of essays on the Christian life that needs to be read.  He dispels the modern myth of our current religious and doctrinal traditions that bind us and bog us down from getting to the heart of the gospel - Jesus and his all-encompassing love for us.  I'm sure I just saw a few hackles go up when I appeared to have pegged 'tradition' in a negative light but if you read the book with a balanced perspective, you will find yourself noticing and asking, as I have done over the years, 'why do we do what we do?' and  'when we do those things, where is our focus?'

I think one of the earliest ponderings of mine along these lines was years ago, when I began to question the whole concept of 'church attire' and I will use this as my own very elementary example of the premise and concepts found within Miller's book.  I grew up in the Southern tradition of dressing up in 'Sunday best' for church.  I never thought anything of it.  I just knew that one day a week, I traded in my halter tops and Toughskins jeans for a dress with scratchy lace at the neck and tights.  Darn those tights that ended up drooping and leaving a gap large enough to stow an airliner's combined amount of carry-on luggage.

I was told that we dressed up out of 'respect' and 'honor' for God and I, in my childish thought process, imagined God standing there with a clipboard as we filed through the curved front doors of the church, nodding in approval, or grimacing in disdain because of what we wore.  This 'tradition' was ingrained in the very fiber of my being, and like most, I never questioned it.  Sunday rolled around,and I reached for the polyester and shiny shoes.

It wasn't until I was an adult, with children of my own that I dressed up in bow ties, pinching shoes and tights, that I began to 'see'.  At some point, God began to loosen the scales on my eyes, and one day He completely removed the blinders so that I could 'see' more as He sees, and it both shocked and saddened me.  Suddenly I 'saw' what Sunday morning must look like to someone seeking, someone new just coming in the door, needing but not knowing what they're looking for.  I saw this someone coming into a room that looked like an exclusive club, and to be a part of that club, you had to have a freshly laundered suit and pearls.  I saw this 'person' look down at their own worn blue jeans, their best pair out of the two they own, and the short-sleeved button up that is faded and I felt all the needless shame and embarrassment that this caused.  I no longer wanted to be a part of this 'club'.  The dress suits I owned began to feel constricting and smothering in more ways than just the binding material they were made of and I wanted to shed them, figuratively and literally.  This was the beginning for me, in a journey I am still taking, in learning how to walk out this faith so that I am linking arms with those along the way, and bringing precious people with me, not constructing fences all along the path that says 'you don't fit'.

Jesus never did this exclusionary type of ministry but we do it all the time here in our culture, and it is, quite frankly, sickening.  I am starting to explore just how he addressed the people that he encountered - the needy, the sin-sick, and those who thought they had it all together, and I find his ways and ours, as a culture, often incongruous.  He didn't parade around in his finest, and surround himself with only those from the best families. There was nothing particularly majestic or beautiful about him at all that would draw us to him (Isaiah 53:2) and he certainly didn't clothe himself with outer adornment.  So what is our motive?

As I said, that is my rudimentary example but it demonstrates how 'we' are perceived by 'the world' - supercilious ignorants, attempting to dress up our mess to hide who we really are.  In this example, I am not trying to make it about attire, and I certainly don't want to paint the picture that the shiny, slicked and suited version is all there is to the people that I know as 'Christ followers'.  Quite the contrary, most I know are real people, humble and big-hearted, beautiful because they have been loved despite their broken messes and in turn, they pour out this same love to those around.  But sadly, what is portrayed and showcased in the world is the dressed up version.

One of the issues that Miller addresses in an entire chapter is morality.  It is a thought-provoking piece on a propositional vs. a relational gospel approach to morality.  I like what he says here:

'The hijacking of the concept of morality began, of course, when we reduced Scripture to formula and a love story to theology, and finally morality to rules'.......'In this way, it isn't only the moralist looking for a feeling of superiority who commits crimes against God, it is also those of us who react by doing what we want, claiming God's grace.  Neither way of morality connects behavior to a relational exchange with Jesus.' ~Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What


As I was reading this book, two different incidences were brought to my attention that shows the kind of misguided approach 'we' take towards morality and those in opposition to 'our' ideals.  Don't be mistaken:  God is pretty clear on what He has to say about a life that honors Him, but we have taken that and broken it down into a list.  We have taken it upon ourselves as the keepers and enforcers of 'the list'.  We are standing in for His Spirit, deeming Him incapable of changing hearts.  We take that list and scream it from the street corners, while ignoring the Love that would overwhelm to the point that the list would become obsolete, not because the 'rules' no longer apply, but that we live in a grace that propels us to do the right thing because of Love.

One of the incidences was that of a priest who denied a woman the sacraments of communion because of her lifestyle.  This isn't a pressing for argument over denominational preferences.  This is a blatant example of a completely opposite response that Jesus took when he encountered those in sin.  I wish I could find this woman.  I would sit down with her, probably over coffee, and listen to her.  I would look directly at her and into her eyes.  I would value her as a person.  My interacting with her would not be condoning a way of life or sin, but I think that is what so many fear in this approach to bringing others to the Love of Jesus.  We think that if we hang out with them, we will be 'tainted' or send a message that what they do is okay.  Personally I think we need to get over it.  What message did that woman walk away from that encounter?  That she was loved?  That there was a better way?  That the love Jesus had for her could make her completely whole?  Sadly, no.  She probably left hurt, angry and more determined than ever that 'church' was not for her.

Or the story of the girl who is an atheist who decided one day that the wall hanging in her high school, a generic prayer, was offensive.  I'm not making room for allowances for one person to thrust their views on the group and make it 'okay'.  Society can't, and shouldn't, work that way.  What disturbs me most about the story is the response of the community to this young girl.  A phrase was coined about her by the time the whole thing reached the federal courts and now, not only is she laughing all the way to the bank, but anyone who has spoken against this move to have the prayer removed has become a target for ridicule.  As a result, the community has risen up against her, a sixteen-year-old girl.  Where is an outpouring of a love that loves despite her disbelief?  Who is coming forward, not to pat her on the back and agree with her, but to show her His miraculous, life-changing presence?  Will she ever have another chance to encounter the Creator of the universe and show her just how much He believes in her?

Along those same lines, I have had my own encounters with an institution, of which will remain nameless, that seeks to impose a set of 'rules and boundaries' on its constituents - an outward effort of righteousness that only tends to push people in the opposite direction.  I find it curious and interesting, and I have yet to find any biblical premise for some of the 'rules' they impart.  Read what I am saying with the meaning that it is given:  I am not declaring anarchy and a debunking of all law and order.  There are settings and situations that deem boundaries as necessary.  I think of the parent/child relationship and how easily this translates into our own relationship with God in comparison.  We, as parents, have rules and boundaries set to protect and guide.  At some point, however, in this parenting process, we have to trust that what we have instilled will carry over in their lives and they will take on a way of life that is right and good, out of love and respect for God and us, not out of fear and condemnation.  They follow what we instill because of the relationship they have with us, and they would do what protects and cherishes that relationship.  This is the kind of obedience I hope for with my own two nearly grown, young adult offspring.  So far, it seems to be working.

I am not sure if I have made any sense.  I know that I haven't communicated this topic as prolifically as Donald Miller, so I highly recommend his book for getting a clearer understanding.  All I know is that I am loved far beyond what I deserve, and I follow because of that great love.

Pics of the last few days

(Squealing like a baby girl...)  Look!!!!!!  My hydrangeas are waking up from their long winter's nap!!!!!  Spring is on its way!

Mags has the right idea.  Find the sun and get.in.it.  I love the slants and architecture of the composition of this picture.  Wood floors, shadows, golden butter sun and a fuzzy blob of dog.

Does this not take your breath like it did mine?  I have a thing for the sky...apparently.

Calm After the Storm

We all survived the massive storm that assaulted our region yesterday.  Fortunately it became little more than a baby tiger by the time it reached this corner of the nation.  The storm and unexpected plans kept me from being here like I thought I would be.  Tonight.  I will be here tonight.

I woke up around 3 with the song lyrics, 'there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning'.


My prayers and heart go out to all that were devastated by the fierce storms that bore down on so many places in the last two days.  He is faithful.

Addendum:  I feel I need to ask forgiveness here...in my haste to post these few thoughts, I realized that I might come across as making light of an extremely devastating situation, that after enduring a night of sheer hell on earth in the center of the storms, you should all wake up with 'joy' that it is a new day.  That was not my intent at all.  I set out in hopes that this song gave encouragement.  I have walked through my own set of storms, while not the phyical carnage of raging winds and torrential rains, in most cases the 'pain that lasts for a night' carries on for many nights, and the aftermath is still always before you, for days and days, for months, and some times years.  The point is to keep walking.  Keep walking and soon, joy really does come.  I pray that all who endured those storms keeps walking.

Classic Rock+Belly Dancing

I now have a full-on routine to this song.  Excellent combination.  All I need now is the halter and hip jinglies covered in coins to make noise.  Family ties in your blood runs deep - my Aunt Cathy was a professional belly dancer.  I think she'd be proud.

So Much

I have so much to say.  The front page of my legal pad is overflowing with writing that has to be done.  I can not wait.  I hope that as I will be home tomorrow, with some extended periods of time by myself, I will unearth what each idea will become.  I am so ready to dangle my legs over the side of the hammock and pour out.

Journal for the Journey

This past weekend I served at a women's retreat.  One thing that is done occasionally, is that journals are given out to the participants and those serving.  These are not ordinary blank pages sewn between cardboard covers.  I know because I have seen them being made, and I know what happens to them in the months before they reach the recipient.  I know because I have prayed over, and anointed a set of them myself.  They are special.

I pause here to ask you to suspend any formulated opinions.  I can only tell you the story.  I can not tell you what to allow your cognitive processes to hold as 'belief'.  That is okay.  I'm only asked to 'tell the story'.

I received one other of these journals before, and while I didn't necessarily 'get' any kind of understanding from it, it is unreal how these journals 'find' their owners.  I have heard stories of these journals speaking peace and direction to seeking souls. Yet they are randomly (divinely) given out.   There is no system for getting certain ones to certain people.  They just find their way.  Here is my first one and it is 'wild' how it seems 'just for me':

Top left corner is Colossians 3:12-15

See the books?!  The stacks and stacks of reading material?  Do you see in it my dream to write one of my own one day?  Then there's the antique china on the right - I collect teacups and saucers.  Above the china are the words 'STRENGTH' and the question: "The Real Me?"  This couldn't be more profound for the time I received this.  Then there's the 'heart' made out of apples.  You're going to think I'm off my rocker, but God sends me hearts all the time.  Yes, hearts.  He loves me, that's why.  I find them everywhere, like this.

The way these journals are made, several women spend months and months clipping things from magazines.  They also begin the process of praying over them.  As they put them together, they pray.  Random?  Consequence?  I personally do not believe in consequence.  They spend more months creating collages of word and picture on the cover.  As they finish, more prayer.  They write a message on the first page.  Again, more prayer.  Before they are given out, they are prayed over again, and each one is anointed.

So this past weekend, I gingerly anticipated the possibility of another journal.  I was guarded because up until the weekend, I had gone through months of silence from the echoes of heaven.  Cold, gray silence. An inkling that I would get a journal that resonated a dissonance tiptoed through my conscience.

The day the journals were wheeled into our dorm and carted between the rows of bunks, I waited.  The girl handing them out looked as tired as my body felt, and she reached into the boxes of stacked journals without looking at them.  She passed bed by bed, tossing a journal onto each one.  She did not know where any of us slept.  She probably didn't know many of us at all.  We were a team of 90 from all walks of life and many corners of the state.  She had no way to know what she was giving to whom.

I only looked at it later, in the darkness of the room by the light of my ipod:

I held my breath.

There is the word 'watch' that couples with another word that has been coming my way with increasing frequency (more on that later).  There is the word 'try'.  And a door.  So many meanings could be gleaned from that but I do not construct any meaning at all on my own.  That is not the intent.  There is a child, deep in thought (that is 'so' me).

And look -an obviously sandy shore.....

And sand castles, but look closer.....

what do you see?

They are candles.  See the wicks on each one?

Then there's the word 'enjoy' again but this time - 'ENJOY THE PURE'.

Here's what was written inside and I fully understand it.  Deeply.

You may be able to see the faint scrawling pencil on the top that shows through the page from the other side.  When I got this journal, I decided I would ask this time - "what do You want to show me in this?"  I asked and He answered.

Lately, I've been awakened with thoughts that aren't my own, usually during the still darkness of the wee morning hours.  On the 28th, I wrote what I understood about part of the cover of this journal.

I will have a life at the beach, living/building there -(Nicaragua) would be for a season - not necessarily permanent.


I will watch and I will wait.

Anticipating.