Songs for a Saturday

Fridge Poetry Friday

What Goofs Do On Their Birthday

Yep, yesterday was the day I was brought forth into the world some years ago.  I have often wondered if we have this celebration thing all wrong.  We should be showering our mothers with the cards and gifts and balloons and all such rejoicing.  After all, THEY were they ones that experienced the birth of us, right?  They had everything to do with it.  We didn't do much.  At any rate, I proceeded to have a birthday kind of day as usual.

It started out very quiet - not a soul at home, and only the scent of coffee in the air as I cracked open my eyelids to the brand new day of another year.  All morning was like this - muted and still, rain falling from the gray that has hung heavy for days.  My last birthday was like this.  The one before that was completely socked under six inches of ice and snow.

After lounging, reading, sipping and declaring yesterday a 'no paperwork' day, I set out for the city just south of mine for some errands.  I strategically planned it so that I would get the errands out of the way and have some time to kill before dinner plans there later with Hubs.  I decided that I would go on a completely debt-free, stress-free shopping excursion.  I went to several favorite stores to look, and not buy a thing.  Still operating within the study of the book 7, I am determined not to buy things I do not need.  I honestly don't need anything, so I went along iphone pic shopping instead, snapping pictures of lovely things that I had no intention of purchasing.  No bills later.  No figuring out where to put yet more 'stuff'.  Perfect!  So here's my completely debt-free, clutter-free collection, and a side of my goofiness.  I am perfectly content being a nut in public by myself.  Makes life more interesting!

Those of you that know me know of my thing for shoes.  I will have you know I am newly reformed.  I haven't bought new ones in months, and am good with it.  So I decided to try on one of the most obnoxious pair I could find, knowing I would not be buying.  Voila!  4-inch orange and fuchsia-studded suede craziness.

I liked this.  It reminded me of the bluebird of happiness.

Goofy, I know.  Cliché and all.  Southern wineglass.  

Wait.  What?  A shoe wine caddy?  Could there be such creations of genius?  Why yes!  

Next, I wandered a book store, one of my favorite past times.  This requires incredible restraint to peruse and not buy.  Instead I snapped pictures of book covers that I found beautiful, or of books I would like to read when I finally get to read for enjoyment again one day.  This was one such book.  Here is the synopsis, thanks to good reads:

In pre-war Prague, the dreams of two young lovers are shattered when they are separated by the Nazi invasion. Then, decades later, thousands of miles away in New York, there's an inescapable glance of recognition between two strangers. Providence is giving Lenka and Josef one more chance. From the glamorous ease of life in Prague before the Occupation, to the horrors of Nazi Europe, The Lost Wife explores the power of first love, the resilience of the human spirit- and the strength of memory.

www.goodreads.com

Then I 'collected' a poem, one of my favorites, on the back of a book I would love to possess - She Walks in Beauty: A Woman's Journey through Poems compiled by Caroline Kennedy.

Then I enjoyed finding the absurd...

As I skimmed through the collection of calendars, and thinking that it is amazing these are still produced in a day of electronic versions that do everything but make appointments for you, I found this one:  Extraordinary Chickens.  Month after month of photos of chickens.  

In another trinket-y type store, my eyes landed upon this, probably because it is quite shiny.  I suppose it is some sort of wedding topper, possibly?  Let's see if you find anything curiously chuckle-worthy that I noted.

I did end up at the grocery store for a few celebratory items.  I was a bit parched and wanted something with flavor.  I came across a new product and was quickly drawn to the one on the left - neuro sun?  Sunshine for the brain!  In all our gray, foggy glum, yes!  Actually it is a beverage chock full of Vitamin D.  The one on the right?  Interesting name!  We all know 'that lovin' feelin' begins in the brain! Here's a review and the full collection of the neuro drinks.  Looks like some mixed reviews and some folks that got sick drinking them, but these are loaded with vitamins and minerals.  If you aren't used to high levels of vitamins or if you ingest them on an empty stomach, bad results could ensue.

Neuro drinks review 

I love these masks.  I've never attended a masquerade but think it could be fun.  This one was quite exquisite.

It was quite fun and the only purchases I did make were some dog treats for Magmonster and some household items for one of my uncles who is starting completely over at 52.  Later, I met up with Hubs who surprised me by bringing along my brother and sister-in-law and four nephews for dinner.  Lively meal!  Later at home, our dear friends and neighbors came down for cheesecake and coffee.  Lovely day for a goof like me!

Martin and Me, We're Tight

Today is my birthday.  It was also Martin Luther King Jr's.  I remember when I became aware that I shared my birthday with this amazing individual.  In the typical egocentric, childlike thinking, I was blown away that Martin Luther King, Jr. a famous person,  shared my day.  I thought I was special because of this, not realizing that with all the millions of people in the world, a few might just happen to be born on the same day.  

Imagine my utter amazement when I discovered a few years ago that we also share the same personality type INFJ.  That was astounding.  Since learning that we had so much in common as a kid, I enjoyed learning about him over the years.  When I took my solo road trip a few years back, I visited the site of his death at the Lorraine Motel, lingering there to wonder just what he would have continued to do for the good of the world had he lived.  Here are some other fascinating facts:

• He got his middle name after his father changed his own middle name to 'Luther' after the German Protestant leader, Martin Luther.
• He never formally finished high school - he was so bright, he skipped two grades (ninth and twelfth) and went right onto college at age fifteen.
• Among his influences, it was said one was Henry David Thoreau.
• On his first attempted march to Montgomery from Selma that was riddled with chaos and violence, it was called 'Bloody Sunday'.
• Interestingly, in an attempt to sympathize with the poor, King and other civil rights leaders moved into the slums of Chicago but received a worse reception there than in the South, inciting near riots.
•  At the time of his death, he was thirty-nine, but the autopsy revealed the heart of a sixty-year-old man, quite possibly due to the immense stress and pressure he endured during his time of activism.

It is fun to discover other famous people that share your birthday.  Here are others that will be celebrating another year with me today:

• Howie Day, singer
• Pitbull, or Armando Perez, singer
• Lloyd Bridges, actor
• Charo, entertainer/dancer
• Drew Brees, NFL quarterback

Other events that happened on this day:

• Wikipedia was launched in 2001
• Happy Days premiered in '74 and ran for 11 seasons
• The coronation of Queen Elizabeth I.  She went on to reign 44 years.

Now bear with me.  In all the photos of Mr. King, I could not find very many at all where he was smiling.  He was a very serious individual (it goes with the personality) and had a serious life calling.  However, I came across this a few months ago, and in my goofy humor, found this funny.  Of course I mean no disrespect to Mr. King whatsoever.  Maybe it would have caused him to crack a grin.  Who knows?

"Have a wash and be inspired"

Tell me that didn't make you snicker.

I'll redeem myself by leaving you with some of my most favorite MLK quotes:

'Take the first step in faith.  You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

"I have decided to stick wtih love.  Hate is too great a burden to bear."

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualist concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent on things that matter."

Like Quarters in a Jar

I collect quotes like quarters in a jar. I scribble them on scraps of paper and have them everywhere.  I am fond of words that reach in deep and shed light on something I may have felt but couldn't articulate.  This week's Monday Listicles is 10 Best Movie Quotes according to me.  I am not particularly a movie buff but I have a few faves.  I am usually dreadfully behind the times in seeing movies and you won't find me clamoring in a mob at midnight for the latest vampire flick. (I've only seen one of those and I don't even remember which one.)  In fact, I've never been to an opening night.  I haven't found a movie yet that was quite worth it.  A new Star Wars movie?  I will consider it.

Case in point: I just watched mona lisa smile and I can NOT believe I had not seen it sooner.  See what I mean?  That movie came out in 2003.  I'd like to think that had I seen it then, it wouldn't have had quite the impact as it did now.  I have found a new fave to include on my list.  I am Katherine Watson, from her newness in a world where she feels so out of her element, to her slipping on the steps and then laying there like a slug (I rewound that part a few times to chuckle).  I AM a bohemian wanderer surrounded by chintz.  This movie has so much rich meaning to me.  I am glad I bought it secondhand and can now watch it when I need to.  So you'll understand why my first two quotes come from mona lisa smile. 

When told she could not have a hot plate, or men up in her room at the boarding house when she moved in, Katherine Watson looked uneasy.  When asked if there was a problem, she replied"

1.  "I don't think I can go a year without a hot plate." ~ Katherine Watson

2.  "Not all who wander are aimless.  Especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image." 

Here's an awesome clip:



13 Going on 30

3.  "Who are these women? Does anyone know? I don't recognize any of them. I want to see my best friend's big sister, the girls from the soccer team, my next door neighbor, real women who are smart and pretty and happy to be who they are. These are the women to look up to. Let's put life back into the magazine. And fun and laughter and silliness. I think we all - I think all of us - want to feel something that we've forgotten or turned our backs on because maybe we didn't realize how much we were leaving behind. We need to remember what used to be good. If we don't, we won't recognize it even if it hits us between the eyes." ~ Jenna, 13 Going on 30

This movie, The Kite Runner, effectively ripped me to shreds.  It is so full of heartwrenching, beautiful quotes but I love this one at the moment, in pursuit of hanging onto tranquility.  

4.  “Quiet is peace. Tranquility. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it." ~ Amir, The Kite Runner

Another absolute favorite, chock full of incredible quotes, Dead Poet's Society:

5.  We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? ~ John Keating, Dead Poet's Society

And - (this is more a 'scene' than quote but still...)
6.   Todd Anderson: Truth like-like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold. 
John Keating: [some of the class start to laugh] Forget them, forget them! Stay with the blanket. Tell me about that blanket! 
Todd Anderson: Y-Y-You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough. You kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying t-to the moment we leave dying, it'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.
[long pause then class applauds] 
John Keating: Don't you forget this. 

Another movie that I fully relate to, eat pray love. (Actually I liked the book WAY better, as usual.)   It also have a zillion repeat-worthy quotes, but I love this one:

7.  "you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.” Or so I’ve come to believe."


From Hope Floats:

8.  "Dancing's just a conversation between two people.  Talk to me." ~ Justin Matisse

From Message in a Bottle:
9.  "If some lives form a perfect circle, others take shape in ways we cannot predict or always understand. Loss has been a part of my journey. But it has also shown me what is precious. So has a love for which I can only be grateful."~Theresa Osborne

From The Notebook:

10.  "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever." ~ Noah

Fiery Fridge Poetry

What is a need that consumes you?  That burn in your belly that won't be quelled?  The desire of your heart yet fulfilled?

Go for it.

And a song.....

Hello how are you doing today
I hope I find you feeling healthy
I'm so glad our paths crossed this time today
On our way into the night

We find love it's hiding here
In the darkness in the shadows
Maybe it's up to you and I
To bring it to the light
Love when I approach the tears
They fall like rain
You tell me baby your hearts into a thousand pieces

Now stop only old and wise with clouded eyes
You can't see what I can, when I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next good thing to comes my way

So here we are all of us stand around
We're leaning heavy on each other
Always wondering what is it that lies behind
The worried eyes of one another

Well I believe it's love that's hiding here
deep inside both you and me.
Maybe it's up to you and me to share it with the light
Love when I approach the tears they fall like rain
You tell me baby your heart's into a thousand pieces

And I stop only old and wise with clouded eyes
You can't see what I can, cause' I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next good thing that comes my way

I say it's love that's lacking here
Although I know enough to spare
Maybe you and I could spread it large and wide
Love with my approach the tears they fall like rain
You tell me baby your heart's into a thousand pieces

Love
Baby
Love
Baby
Love
Baby

From There and Back

I am going to offer a disclaimer up front:  if you prefer popping in on posts that are short and light, this one is not for you.  This one will likely be long: fair warning.  I have felt a pressing for a while to share my story about my journey with weight/food/fitness but have been, to be completely honest - chicken.  Boneless, skinless...spineless.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Until now.  Now, I see it as just a part of my history, a chapter in my story that, while painful, has helped in shaping who I am today.  This is part 'ugly truth', a whole lot of redemption and hopefully some help and encouragement thrown in too.

If you've been around here much in the hammock, you have seen some of the more recent pictures of me (not many - I prefer behind the camera) as well as the amusing' blast from the past' pics, to see that I am now a more healthy weight (within range for my height) and was an average teen.  I went through my pre-puberty chub, but otherwise normal.  Looking back, I can not recall any off-kilter views on body image or eating/food in my teens either, thankfully.  I attribute that to a few things: growing up in an era not SO focused on perfect bodies and the deception in magazines/media, and a mother that didn't focus on it, not outwardly anyway.  I learned of her battle later, when I was older, and fighting my own.  She didn't talk about weight and looks constantly, if ever, so I have her to thank for my coming through my teens unscathed by that.  It is how I now parent my own daughter.  My focus is on health and choices, but never weight/size/looks.

In 1993, I was pregnant and doing the whole 'eat for two' thing.  Eldest made his arrival in June, and little did I know, he also heralded in some sneaky health issues that would emerge later: a gallbladder that took a beating and had to be removed a year later, and the pregnancy tripped something with an already genetically predisposed thyroid.  Not long after I had the gallbladder surgery, I noticed a nagging fatigue and my weight did not budge from pregnancy.

Okay, here goes:  a picture from that time that I have loathed.  Earlier I would look at it and not recognize myself.  That wasn't me, yet there I was in all my bloated glory.  (deep breath)

In my left-over 80's hair, horrible KMart backdrop and the fellas looking off somewhere else and me dead on, wishing to be magically transported OUT of the picture, the only cute factor is that precious face wearing a bowtie.  

This picture made me cringe and it, on occasion, made me weep.  I did not recognize that girl.  Here's one thing that I want to share with you that I didn't know then - a symptom of thyroid is a puffy face.   You may not know that, but now you do.  

About a year after firstborn, I began to try and combat this weight.  I had about fifty extra pounds hanging on my 5'6" frame.  They were making themselves at home and me miserable.  Here's where I would love to blame all  my weight woes on a faulty thyroid.  I can't do that though, and offer you the redemptive part of the story. 

Along with the gallbladder and thryoid derailment, pregnancy also brought along a raging case of post-pardum depression and the years following that depression haunted me..  You can read about that HERE.  I became an emotional eater.  Being a good Baptist teetotaler then, I drown my emptiness and sadness in DQ blizzards.  I am extremely grateful I am now reformed, love me some wine in moderation and that bit of skewed viewpoint was exposed.  Hello!?  You may not touch the grape but you'll go back three times at the potluck dinner?  Who's the pot and who's the kettle, eh?  But I digress.

I developed an unhealthy binge eating disorder.  I am not sure if the thyroid was playing into the eating, or I was eating to smother my overwhelming depression and nonexistent confidence but it was both so painful and also so numbing that I sought comfort in food.  I began terrible habits of 'sneak eating' and blaming others for the pan of cookies being half empty.  I would offer to go get treats for others and then eat two for myself on the way home.  This is an incredibly serious disorder that feeds off of a plummeting confidence, is often fueled by hormonal imbalances that create abnormal cravings and it spirals out of control.  It is self-inflicting abuse, and it is hell.  

Getting real here - another pic for evidence:

That's me on the left, again unrecognizable to myself.  Those poor gals behind us didn't have a chance.

Around this time I started doing something that initially felt completely foreign.  I started to seek God about this issue. The seeking God part wasn't unusual, it was the 'being real' with Him that I wasn't familiar with then.  In seeking, I started two things:  I attempted to start exercising, and I came across a program that opened my eyes to the idea of 'emotional eating' and pursuing God in seeking help.  I can remember vividly jogging the dirt road in front of my house in south Georgia.  Kicking up red dirt and it streaking my face in the tears as I dragged my heavy-laden frame along the way.  I carried a smooth stone in my pocket, my hand clasping it the whole way reminding me that I was enduring the same process that rock went through, rough edges being hewn and sanded away, but slowly, so very slowly.

I won't go into detail about the program.  In a nutshell, it offered an analogy of being enslaved to food and dieting to wandering in the desert and being set free by the God of the universe that also knows and loves you personally.  I can't vouch for the founder's current state, but the premise and truths from the program itself are solid and helped me see that I could only find true peace and comfort in God alone.  Through this program, He showed me that I was running to food, when what I really needed, what I earnestly longed for, was to run to Him.  I learned that there was such a thing as 'head hunger' and physical hunger and how to recognize the difference.  I began the slow and tedious process of transferring my reliance of food as anything but fuel and energy to a God that knows me and loves me too much to leave me there, wallowing in the mire.  This was not easy.  I can recall a time I walked into my kitchen, doing that mindless patrolling for something and falling to my knees right there on the linoleum, praying and crying until I felt strong enough to get up and move out of there.  That process would repeated countless times, over and over and over until I had strength to fight it.

Couple this struggle with an almost constant obsession with food and condemnation at every morsel that went into my mouth ("Should I eat that?" -"I'll have just a bite" - "I can't eat this" ) and a crippling self-loathing with an unhealthy body image. I had grown up in the era of very little focus on being thin and perfect but was pregnant and struggling during the years that this became a bigger deal and I was soaking it all up. I bought magazine after magazine, pouring over the glossy touched up photos, and then would later, find myself in the bathroom about to take a shower, silently screaming (ever done that?), clutching at my flesh and hating my body.  HATING it.  This same body that had carried two of the most precious people into my life, and birthed them without any pain medication.  This body that was strong and was a gift to me, but I did not see that then.  Just the thought of those emotions from back then brought a wave of anguish even now in remembrance.  It was excruciating.  

I want to pause and offer this to you now if you struggle with distorted or unhealthy body image.  STOP.  You are beautiful.  You are so much more than this outward shell.  So so much more.  I have a song that helped me in the healing process of that issue.  You are more than your reflection.

The mirror doesn't define you.  The airbrushed lies they sell in magazines don't define you.  The models and movie stars don't define you.  We could do all the girls in the world a favor and quit buying those magazines and show them instead what real beauty looks like.  At times this song was screamed by me, through tears, in defiance of all the lies.  Girls old and young, roundhouse kick those stupid magazines in the teeth, change the channel when the ridiculous Victoria Secret commercials come on, and men?  Stand up, and realize that by getting reeled in by all that airbrush and starvation they go through, you are being lied to as well.  Real women do not look like that.

(steps off soap box)

This journey was not conquered overnight.  Around the time I started to work on this food/body image monster and try to exercise, I found out I was expecting again.  This time I approached it much differently and tried to be healthier in the way that I knew how then.

Here I am with baby girl, still looking puffed and internally tortured and NOT a fan of the camera.

After baby girl was born, I was officially diagnosed with hypothyroidism and put on medicine for it  and given very little information AT ALL.  I could do an entirely separate, lengthy post about thyroid issues but I will save that and tell you that it is one of the most misunderstood, overlooked and disregarded health issues out there.  When I was prescribed my medicine I was told I would probably take it for life and that was about it.  Fortunately I am an intensely curious person and have a need to know things and I began to research about the thyroid.  Over the last fifteen years or so, I have learned so much and virtually none of it from doctors.  This was where my healthy mistrust of doctors originated.  For example, I had been taking my thyroid medication daily with a glass of milk and my coffee only to learn that taking it with any calcium effectively cancels it out.  The doctor said nothing about that.  I also learned that you must get your lab work numbers and not just go by a doctor's word that you are 'fine' after a thyroid blood test.  Feeling like a slug, weight gain (that isn't food induced), depression and hair loss and a whole host of other symptoms ISN'T fine.  Telling you to eat less, exercise and take depression medicine won't fix it either.  Instead of trying to cram in a session of thyroid 101 I will offer up some excellent resources.  Mary Shomon is a patient advocate and has made it her mission to educate others about thyroid disorders. You can read more HERE or you can pick up her books that I studied cover to cover and gained a wealth of information.  Just look up Mary J Shomon on amazon and you'll find all of her books.  Another great resource is Stop the Thyroid Madness.  Another thing that I can tell you is to find a good doctor.  One that listens and isn't completely sold out to big pharma.  Get checked thoroughly.  

I leave you with a few 'after' pictures and HOPE.  NOT that I like posting pictures of moi because eh, no.  I don't.  Behind the camera is where I am most comfy cozy.  I post them to show the 'after' to the 'before' and so you can see where I am today after that long journey of hauling a big ol' behind through it all.

  I offer these final words of encouragement from my own experience:

1)  I lost the weight by listening to my body and not the latest diet,  and realizing the intertwined spiritual and physical nature of our being.

2) I learned from the God that designed these bodies that He has a much better way to take care of them and to heal them and diets weren't the route for me.  I also learned that He still does miracles.  I no longer have the body issues or the food issues, and when I get the urge to munch, I pray and get out of  dodge (or the kitchen).  Thank you, Jesus.

3) I learned to be proactive and study about my issues and how to best to address them.  

Today

I did not get to this place by sheer will or on my strength alone.  I give God all the glory for giving me the strength to fight and to learn and conquer these demons in my life.  From a practical standpoint, today I know my limits.  Portion control IS a big deal.  We here in America no longer have a concept of what is normal and needed for our bodies.  Again, it comes down to eating only when hungry (true hunger) and stopping when satisfied, not stuffed.  Eating this way is far more enjoyable.  I can savor it so much more thoroughly.  I eat primarily whole foods - vegetables, fruits (mostly berries), lean meats, nuts and beans and I am careful about too many cruciferous vegetables (read about that  HERE) and that kills me because of my adoration of broccoli.  I avoid soy like the plague.  Gluten-free is not a fad for me and exercise is my therapy.  Losing the weight and then working at it every day to maintain ISN'T the easy way, but it has been the best, most freeing way for me.

                                   

This was a about three years ago.  Being set free from all of that makes one want to dance in a friend's backyard on the 4th of July in Christmas colors.  

Two years ago I was on a 1940s kick and dressed the part, pin curled hair and all. 

Last spring sporting my Aggie hat on the Atlantic at Cocoa Beach

Today.  This is the face of the girl I recognize.

'So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free'

~John 8:36

Hammock Happiness

This post is part technical test and part short and sweet.  I am trying it out to see if I can post pictures with ease (and I have come to learn that the file usage thing being full might have been a glitch so now I have a monthly charge for nothing???)  I recently posted a picture of an otherworldly glass cottage get-away that was dreamy and it reminded me of another picture I had of a perfectly sublime little nook that I could also share.

I am keeping this one short and sweet because I know that in some unwritten blog rule book somewhere, the idea is to keep posts on the brief side if you want readers to actually read it.  I am doing this because I will be effectively breaking that rule for the next post, getting real and sharing my story about the weight/food/fitness journey I took a decade ago or so.  I mentioned that I might share it, that I felt I needed to share it and hope that it offered some sort of encouragement to anyone out there on the cusp of new resolutions and a desire and the will to be better physically (and emotionally) this year than last.  So stay tuned.

In the mean time, I think I will curl up here and sway to gather my nerve.

All it needs now is a record player to spin a little Otis and this song.  Perfection -

You Can't Make Me

Time for another installment of Monday Listicles by Stasha over at the good life.  You really ought to scoot on over there and check her out, as well as all the beautiful people that link up there.  It could become one of your weekly addictions like it has for me.  Seriously, I start pacing in anticipation of the next Monday's topic come Sunday night.  It keeps me focused and distracted so I don't actually have to think about what is coming up on Monday.  So thank you, dear Stasha!  Here, let me give you a 'blug' (see what I did there?  Blog+hug= blug...yes, I am still at it with the blogisms.)

This week's topic is PERFECT.  All this talk about change and improvement and resolutions can some times make a gal go, 'aaaaaaaaaaaargh!'  So let's do the opposite.  List 10 THINGS YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF CHANGING IN 2013.

Aaaahhh.  I feel better already.  I am going to focus on some things that I have no plans to change or tweak or avoid.  You can do the same, and feel better too!

I would like to attempt this with songs/song titles to make it interactive.  So here goes:

1.  

I have no plans to stop doing Monday Listicles.  It is grand fun and I love the variety in topics.  It's here to stay.

2. 

Rip my cuppa joe from my cold, dead hands.  That's the only way you'll get it.  Doesn't hurt to listen to a little Ella while enjoying it, just a dash of cream, no sugar.

3.  

One of my all-time favorite tunes.  I was reminded over break that I subconsciously gave up a lot of things last semester, letting work steal away the things that make life rich and full.  As I look back, I realized that I didn't dance at all.  No shuffle in the living room.  No salsa to Santana in the kitchen.  Nada.  I realize all that I lost by not doing this simple thing that I love so much.  

4.  

I went back to zumba last night.  Say what you will - it is fun.  I know the vast benefits of shaking it for exercise. 

5.  

I may be on a month-long hiatus, but I will continue to enjoy the joys of the grape, in the summer, in the fall, in the winter and spring.  I will drink it with a fox.  I will drink it in a box...(boxed wine...see what I did there?)

To all Bono fans such as yours truly, you're welcome.

6.  

This song.....these lyrics.  I will keep running.  I won't stop unless my heart gives out.

7.  

Whether its a spin around my little town, or a road trip that I am pondering once again, I have no intention of not driving for enjoyment.  Well, unless gas prices get more ridiculous than they already are.  Then I will eat peanut butter and still go.

8.  

I have no intention of stopping writing.  In fact, I think I may actually have an idea to start on this year. More on that later.  I have no intention of stopping blogging either, so whether here or elsewhere, blog I  must!

9.  

The world needs so so much more of this - kindness and generosity.  I want to show more acts of kindness daily, and to reach out to give more.  This song also says 'thank you' several times, so included in things I will not stop is being grateful to God for everything.

10.  

Let me life be a portrait of Your love, Lord.

Lo and Behold

This morning my blog post I had worked on yesterday evening was back.  Just like that, sitting idly in my post list, as if nothing had happened after it had decided to play hide and seek without my consent.

It is actually a blessing to you all that I didn't hit publish.  Maybe Blogger was saving me from myself.  It was a train wreck.  I had been working on it while also watching 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' with Daughter.  Re-reading it today made me glad it didn't go live.  Sheesh.  So I will attempt to revise and edit some and see what I can do with the raging mess that was my other post.

Here goes nothin'-

I mentioned recently that I have banned resolutions.  That isn't entirely correct.  I used to be of the New Year's resolution camp, faithfully.  This played perfectly to my self-evaluative, constant improvement nature.  The problem was, like most people, I set mighty high and lofty goals, or too many major changes, and set myself up to fail.  Every time.  Just the other day, I cruised on through one blogger's post of a baker's dozen.  (*smacks forehead)  

I would insert a funny picture of me actually smacking my forehead,

but Blogger is being a pain, still.  

Why, Blogger, why?

Imagine it, if you will.

Statistically, only about 8% of all resolution makers see their goals to a successful end.  I know, call me spoil sport.  Hopefully by the end of this, you will see that I am actually out to encourage and maybe help you make positive change that lasts.  I have recently read a couple of blogs that described being realistic about situations.  One other post described the aspect of the Serenity Prayer and accepting things you can not change.  You can read Josie's What It Is here. Like her, I like to think that my approach is more of a hopeful realism with a more ongoing, process-oriented plan.  Let me see if I can explain...

Think for a minute about famous athletes (Texas A & M's Johnny Manziel comes to mind), graceful dancers like Anna Pavlova or musicians (pick your favorite).  We see them perform and comment at how easy they make it look.  We wish to be able to run that fast, be that agile or sing so well.  What we don't see are the hours upon hours of grueling, laborious practice and disciplined monotony that it took to get there.  Barring the natural talent, it took painstaking, repetitive work, although Manziel has his cup full of God-given ability for sure.  He resembles a bull named Fred Astaire with a football the way he light foots it down the field.

In our resolution making, we are generally in a wishful-thinking mode, much like we are when we watch fabulous talent do their 'thang'.  There may be some will behind it, but we are often looking to an idealistic end result, and not focusing so much on what it takes to get there.  We either set our sights on a particular aspiration and either set a vague plan to get there or no plan at all.  OR we construct such a difficult regime that we are doomed before we start.

If you know me well, you know that I am one that tends to routinely do 'checkpoint' type self-reflections throughout the year.  It is ingrained in my personality.  Last year I lost my mind and created my own list of resolutions, and came up very short in reaching any one of them very well.  So I am back to my usual mode of continual growth.

In the spirit of being realistic, this year I did take time to write out  just where I am at the moment in every area of my life.  I didn't hold back or try to make things look 'not so bad'.  I spelled it all out there in black and white - the good, the bad and the 'oh my'.  It helped me tremendously to see my current state 'as is' and it brought to light the areas that needed attention.  I intend to go back to that honest evaluation of pre-2013 self and see where I am in comparison next New Year's, 'Lord willin' and the creek don't rise.'

The way I have typically approached self-improvement (aside from last year's complete brain spaz) is to begin really thinking about that one major area, envisioning action toward the improvement.  In a sense, I 'work up the want to'.  That is half the battle right there - getting mentally 'psyched' about doing something that isn't a current habit.  I read a few articles just recently about the power of positive thinking, that you can actually gain some of the benefits of weight training (not the actual six-pack, unfortunately) by mentally going through the workout routine in your mind.  Men often have the right idea here in accepting (and even appreciating) themselves just as they are so I am going to take some lessons, starting with standing in front of the mirror, turning this way and that, and thinking, "Heck yes, look at that bod.  Yeeeahhh, look out swimsuit edition." even if it couldn't be further than the truth.  I'm going to try it. This should be interesting.  Guys that go to the gym?  Ummm Hmmm, you know what I'm talking about - you've done the strutting and flexing in the wall-to-wall mirrors.  I've seen you.  Don't deny.  

Another thing that helps goes back to what I said before - be realistic.  Sure, wouldn't we all like to be in our twenty-year-old bods again, pre-childbearing and untainted by stress.  However I have come to embrace where I am now, and know that I can be better at this age but it is really okay that I'm not what I was.  Media and our culture have glorified appearance and youthful faces and bods, while completely ignoring the wisdom and benefits of being older.  So being realistic about what you really can do is key.  We like to say 'You can do anything you put your mind to.  The sky's the limit.' but you know, I am not going to be a champion skier or an accountant, even if I wanted to.

Finally, there are areas that I have relegated to lifestyle status, not simply a 'tweaking' for improvement. At present, I do have some work in the area of exercise and fitness, but these aren't 2013 goals, these are continual processes.  Years ago, my relationship with food and health, body image and weight took a dramatic change and I haven't looked back.  My eating habits and outlook on exercise changed because they had to.  Not because I was at some life-threatening brink or by doctor's orders.  I could see the path I was on, and with certain health issues, I had to become educated and make changes for me to be able to live an active, normal life or I was headed in a direction I did not want to go.  I haven't shared that story yet, so maybe I will here in this month of January, and maybe it will be an encouragement to you also.

I may have just re-adjusted my rambling here to resemble more rambling.  It's okay.  I've managed to post every day since Jan. 1, so there you go.  I've kept some sort of routine so far.  By the way, if you do have a resolution (recommend only one or two, not thirteen), a habit takes twenty-one days to establish.  Take one day at a time.  You can do it!

Baffled

I just had a whole post completely disappear.  I was working on it, clicked over to another window, came back and 'Poof' - gone.  I've only had that happen one other time.  Now I more convinced Blogger is determined to run me off.  Anyone else have this problem?  Ah well - in the spirit of my post about the nature of resolutions, and the immortal words of Scarlett O' Hara, 'tomorrow is another day' -  right?

http://www.flavorwire.com/270530/literary-mixtape-scarlett-ohara

Forgotten Fridge Poetry

One other thing that I discovered upon further blogvestigation was that my Fridge Poetry posts seemed to be visited frequently.  So, I shall continue them.  If you need to breathe, or find a sense of calm, here is an installment for what ails you.

Perfect

I am usually one of salt and sea, but this -

This has to be one of the most perfect settings for a get-away.  I am not sure where I came across this (and no, it wasn't Pinterest.  I haven't virtually hoarded in over a month or more.)  but when I did, I was sure this was the setting of fabulous dreams and hideouts for writers entrenched in the most enchanting belletristic pursuits.  

For some, it might be a tad exposing with the glass, wall to ceiling.  I, for one, appreciate the complete openness provided by all the windows.  As long as the structure itself is nestled away, tucked amid the shielding green and flora, I find it cozy to be surrounded by so much nature.  

From the pale wood planks to the plants strategically placed to create a seamless connection between the outside in, it is serenity at its finest.  The crisp white of the sheets consummates the flawless calm created in the space.  

And the record player.

That small detail makes for the culmination of all things right with this setting.  Can you imagine spinning the likes of Otis Redding or Etta James there?

I picture steps made out of logs halved, trailing down to a wooden dock drifting in the lapping water's edge.  Sunsets would literally fill the room with color, casting the flattering glow of setting sun's amber, sangria and rose.  The best moment would be curling up into those white sheets and blankets to lay back and watch the night descend, fading from cornflower to denim to navy and midnight, stars falling like sparks that come to light on the panes of glass above.  

Blogiosities

Since I am effectively swearing off resolutions from here on out (and vino...for this month...), I think I'll do weird things like come up with as many words made with 'blog' as I possibly can and maybe I'll also create a list of things I am GUARANTEED to accomplish in the coming year so that at year's end I can check off that puppy, proclaiming 'BOOYAH' and 'DONE AND DONE' and nonsense like that.  For starters:

1.  Listen to Pandora

and?

1.  Listen to Pandora

BAM!

This post isn't going to be all that deep or particularly funny...or useful...  I just said I was going to try and post nearly (See what I did there?  Just in case I don't make it here every day.)  every day until I figure out what to do with this blog.  So as I trolled back through the year in posts, I have noticed some things, a few curiosities.  I also have some questions or rather HELP!  

So here are some observations and inquiries concerning this small shred of rope and random thought in the blogernet (That's #3 - bloggatical, blogiosities and now blogernet):

1.  Since having been conned required to cough it up to add pictures here since my file usage was full, I have the darnest time adding photos.  You won't see a picture in this post - it is just too much trouble.  When I go to add a photo, it won't go where the cursor sits, as it did before.  No.  It puts every stinking picture at the top of the post and I have to grab it and drag it down the post, shifting and scrambling the whole mess until I get it where I need it.  Aggravation.  I did that Listicles post about my ornaments that way and it took me for-eh-ver.

I've been known to do things the hard way, and this could very well be the case, but is this occurring for anyone else? This would fall under the HELP! category.  Suggestions?  This is ONE of the few reasons I am considering taking my blog and going home.

2.  Following many other blogsters out there, I wanted to see what my top 10ish or so posts have been so I investigated.  First of all, don't trust your stats counter if you decide to do this yourself.  Lies.  All lies.  Not really, but it isn't exactly accurate.  Go to your list of posts.  It takes a little time but shows other posts that fit right in with your 'top' posts with most hits - and the stats don't include them.  Another interesting thing is that I could see almost precisely when more than two people came by here at all - end of April.  That would be after I participated in the A-Z Challenge so it was well worth it.  I broke into 2-digit site visitors overall so whoo to the hoo.

Anyway, so do any of you ever check out your blog stats and go 'Hmmmm....' as to why a particular post pulls in more views than others?  I do, and this little blogvestigation (shabam - #4 - okay, I promise I won't continue to be blognoxious....#5) has me sounding like a fridge with all the hmmmm hmmmm hmmmming.  Here are the top posts with most views and my commentary:

Last Post - okay people.  This one was TOP with 147 views.  What?  Everyone waiting to see if I was good and gone?  Waiting with baited breath to see me return?  This baffles me - seriously, because it wasn't even a great post - AT ALL.  Just one of the humdrum usuals.  However, this also ties in with another pondering having to do with traffic/referring sites....but I will get to that shortly.

Favorite Travel Memory  - This one was NOT on the stats but ranks NUMBER 2, so don't completely trust your stats on this account.  This one came in at 131 views.  I'm thinking it was a 'hit' because it was a part of a give-away, and I also wonder if the CIA was checking it out for anything suspicious since it was about visiting DC.  (No, I give myself entirely too much credit here - surely they wouldn't care about a little ol' blog about nothing, would they?)

ANNOUNCING...  This one makes sense at 116.  It was the post to reveal a give-away.  The curiosity here lies in the fact that there were one hundred sixteen hits on the post, and a baker's dozen that actually participated.  Interesting...

Gratitude For Guys - I participated in a blog host thing of sorts so makes sense.  This post was 'exposed' to more readers than usual.  

Leave Your Comments in the Box and Next Give-Away - This one leaves me going 'hmmm'.  Maybe that it was the end of the first give-away and hinting at the next?  

Answers and Other Random - I don't get it.  (Scratching head.)



Centered - Again, a part of a give-away, but I know the real reason it had a lot of hits - my grump-butt face.  That picture drew some crowds, fo' sho'.

May God Hold You Gently in the Palms of His Hands - The title of this one is actually in Hebrew so I couldn't write that all out again.  The link here is what the Hebrew means.  In all seriousness of this one, this post hit has spurred in me a specific prayer directed to the viewers of this one that they are seeking, broken, hurting, desperate - and finding HOPE in the words written there. It was one of my more serious, and more 'raw' posts.  My hope is that someone found a safety net there, and returned.

Sixteen Candles Question #11 - folks are just googling movie information and they land on this piece of literary genius.

Proof - This was my lame attempt to make my shaking knees at approaching 40 settle and I pulled this stunt - gah.  Funny, this was posted a while back, before there were many visitors and this ranks up there as a high hit post?  

Honorable Mentions:

Willing to be Wrecked - glad this one was visited often.

From the Junk Drawer of My Mind - NOT A CLUE why this would have many hits except that it mentions a 'current event' about Kate Middleton.

And a tie:

It is Obscene - Two words:  foot fetish.  That, or folks trolling looking for the truly obscene land upon my silly little post about a first world problem of shoe obsession.  

This is My Bravery - Folks checking in to see if they'd won the first give-away.  That, or my accent was just so alluring.  (grin)

This post is droning on long...  and I use ellipses entirely too much.  I'll try to put this baby to bed - 

3.  Alright, another question or HELP!  Anyone else feel suspicious at some of your referring URLs?  Seriously, I have been panicking a bit thinking my blog has been hijacked, or trolled or wormed or whatever it is when some outside 'party' wiggles its way into some unsuspecting bloke's speck of internet realty.  I've had things like casino galore, and this??? http://www4.savegco-antivir.com/?92d7  What is this?????  I won't EVEN go into one of the 'referring sites' 
that popped up one time.....I was aghast and mortified that my little blog was being posted 
on THAT site.  

The week I was away over Christmas break, my site visits skyrocketed with the casino one 
leading the way, and a certain country coming in strong (next -osity).

4.  Last curiosity - I promise.  I love me some (banned phrase from 2012) am mad crazy about some 
international visitors.  I would actually squeal and run in circles with glee if one of the visitors 
from across any waters would actually leave a comment!  But let's talk about Russia.

Russia, are you listening?  I, in all my 80's being, embraced the movements made by Gorbachev to bring 
revolution to your land - in hopes that you would taste of freedom, because it is God-given and 
oh so sweet.
Why then, are most of my visits filtering from there, following close behind the U.S?  Why?  
If you are from there, and you are a hammock fan, and you just pop in here a lot because it is cold 
there and you happen to like to imagine yourself swaying in the hammock that is pictured above 
(taken in Mexico, incidentally - Mexico?  Where are you?  Represent!), 
DROP ME A LINE, PRETTY PLEASE!  
I don't care if it is a comment in Russian.  I will personally kiss your face if you dispel 
my uneasiness that there is some racket going on there that has attached itself like algae
 to my little blog.

Anyone else out there noticing any odd 
blogenarios? What has been the most farfetched 
country that has visited you?