Just when I think I can not possibly go any further, when my strength and energy are no where to be found, things like this weekend come along. I am on a girl's weekend with two of my dear college girlfriends- one is Tammy who will be leaving to go back out in the tribe in June. I can't think about that. I mourn her leaving and mourn my not being able to go. My other friend is Becky, who seems to be in just about the same exact boat I am currently in at present. We have talked nearly nonstop. We talk deep. We delve philisophically. We take our mental meanderings to the very outer edge, and then leap. This kind of conversation feeds my very soul. Just when that part of me is about as dry and dusty as a wasteland, this rain of words and thought comes from the most beautiful sources. Thank You, God. Oh how you know me.
I just came back up to the room from the hot tub by myself, waiting again for the stars to appear. I could hear the roar the water, feel the sting of the heat of it, feel the cool breeze pass like a touch across my face and I am thankful. I can still feel it all. I AM present. It could come at no better time than now.
April 30, 2011
April 22, 2011
Future of Forestry - Hallelujah
This song is one of my absolute favorites. It speaks of God's absolute majesty to me. You can't stand out under a slate of stars with your arms outstretched listening to this and not feel the vastness of Who He is.
Adonai, here your beauty dwells
Adonai, for life
Hearts unfold before you
In the light of the sun
Fill the sky Adonai
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Let my spirit sing sweetly
For the love in your eyes
Hold me close, Adonai
April 21, 2011
Skimming Stars
I saw one just the other night. Tuesday. I had been out on a run and decided that I was going to deliberately slow down and just be. I stretched out on top of one of those electrical boxes that buzz and hum to stare into the sky. I wanted to gaze into the infinite blue and watch the stars fade into view. As I fixed my eyes just above me, I saw what looked like one of the stars moving from it's stationary place. Locking my eyes on it, I followed its path across the entire expanse before it slipped behind a tree, back out in the open for a second and then dropped out of sight.
It was a satellite. I had thought for a long time, after seeing my first 'skimming star' that it was a slow-moving star, one that God had just decided needed to move from its place. God can do that. He's God. It is His universe, after all. I marveled at getting to watch this - seeing the landscape of the constellations change shape. One of my favorite memories of this experience was this past summer out on Hammocks Beach with Anna. We were lying on a blue tarp, enjoying the heavy dark and quiet, and our smuggled contraband, when I saw a white speck start sliding across the sky. When I could finally get my finger to line up with its movement and get her to see it, it was the first time I'd been able to get someone else to see this with me. We actually saw about three that night. You can see lots of things when you take the time to look up and watch the sky, unwavering.
As it turns out, they are just satellites. Still very cool sights to see, nonetheless. Most can not be seen with the naked eye unaided, but to those that wait and watch, it is possible. I just smiled to see it, after not seeing one for so long, the other night.
"You are my satellite."
It was a satellite. I had thought for a long time, after seeing my first 'skimming star' that it was a slow-moving star, one that God had just decided needed to move from its place. God can do that. He's God. It is His universe, after all. I marveled at getting to watch this - seeing the landscape of the constellations change shape. One of my favorite memories of this experience was this past summer out on Hammocks Beach with Anna. We were lying on a blue tarp, enjoying the heavy dark and quiet, and our smuggled contraband, when I saw a white speck start sliding across the sky. When I could finally get my finger to line up with its movement and get her to see it, it was the first time I'd been able to get someone else to see this with me. We actually saw about three that night. You can see lots of things when you take the time to look up and watch the sky, unwavering.
As it turns out, they are just satellites. Still very cool sights to see, nonetheless. Most can not be seen with the naked eye unaided, but to those that wait and watch, it is possible. I just smiled to see it, after not seeing one for so long, the other night.
April 19, 2011
The Frames - Rise
This song came on twice in my shuffle rotation tonight on my run. That never happens. This is one of those rare songs that infuses me with strength. I needed it. Twice.
April 18, 2011
April 17, 2011
BEST MOMENT EVER
Colin Hay - I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You
I have recently found Colin Hay's solo works to be like unfolding in my favorite chair. I never thought, based on his Men at Work days, that he could sound so soulful.
April 13, 2011
I can hardly type for the tension that has my shoulders perpetually springing up past my ears and my head feeling like it will (fill in the circle next to your best choice):
A) unhinge and roll across the floor
B) expand and pop in the higher altitudes
C) explode
I need:
A) a masseuse with the gentleness of David but the strength of Samson to work the corded rope that is my neck.
B) some sand, a warm breeze, slow sway and Santana.
C) heavy duty migraine meds
D) all of the above
A) unhinge and roll across the floor
B) expand and pop in the higher altitudes
C) explode
I need:
A) a masseuse with the gentleness of David but the strength of Samson to work the corded rope that is my neck.
B) some sand, a warm breeze, slow sway and Santana.
C) heavy duty migraine meds
D) all of the above
April 9, 2011
Like Waves Crashing on a Beach
I have had one of my favorite songs playing in my head for days now-'American Girl' by Tom Petty. I just stood out on a balcony, out over 321, with the road below sounding like waves crashing on a beach. Song affirmed. I'm in Gatlinburg with my Mom, girls' weekend. Couldn't be better. I'd share the song so you could sing along but I am on my phone. So find it and sing it, preferably out on a balcony somewhere. It's just better that way.
Sweet dreams.
Sweet dreams.
April 5, 2011
Allow Me to Paint You a Picture
Today I set out on a spontaneous trek across half of my county from the north end to the center where I live. The walk/run ended up spanning three cities. I had started out this morning to take Silver to put on new tires. It turned out that I would have to wait for over two hours before it would be done so I decided, "It's a beautiful day. I have my small package to mail in my string backpack/purse. I'll just walk to the post office and then see about getting picked up from there." I had my headphones. I had something cold to sip on along the way. I was excited.
As I walked along, I thought a lot about my time in Costa Rica and Nicaragua and how most people walked everywhere they went. It wasn't uncommon to dodge pedestrian after pedestrian as they traversed along the side of the road. It wasn't a novelty to them, it was a way of life.
So here I was, in small town U.S.A. strolling along the highways and byways of the towns where I call 'home' and I was an anomaly. I got stares and ganders, some waves and smiles and some looks of irritation because at various points, they had to move over a little to allow room. I was one of about five people I actually saw ambling along out on the sidewalks and roads with me. Five during the whole hour and ten minute walk. Five along the whole nearly six-mile trek. This struck me with such stark, sad alienation, but not for me. I found myself morose for citizens everywhere - in my own town, and then in communities across the nation that look much like this picture of contrast that was forming in my mind.
You have to understand: my perspective has been forever altered to see life, people, community, the world differently, having been given the gift of seeing how another part of the world lives daily. As is true for others that are experiencing the same incongruous views of two cultures, I find myself more and more unsettled by my own. The palpable differences are just too great, and one is found to be more and more lacking in what I see for my life.
Let me paint this picture for what I saw as car after car after car passed me. It could be generalized to encompass what we 'look like' to the rest of the world. Remember it is a generalization, but I did witness variations of this one picture continually along the way. Here is what I see when I see 'us' here in this lifestyle we have created out of convenience and comfort:
'We' could be characterized or depicted in caricature by a lumbering, large, gas-slurping 8-passenger SUV, woman behind the wheel on a cell phone, trying to coordinate fourteen things that still have to take place that day. Meanwhile, two children ride along in the middle seat - one watching a DVD on the player strapped to the back of the seat while running errands and one is engrossed in the latest handheld gaming device. No one is really talking except Mom as she chatters away to whoever is on the phone. On to the next 'thing'. Always going, going, going.
I had finally made it to the post office in good time and decided that I would just keep going. I had other things I wanted to accomplish today, but I couldn't think of a better day to stay outside, listen to tunes and walk. It was energizing.
I thought about how those same vehicles would most likely pull into their subdivisions, rows of houses stretched neatly along their streets, and roll right up into their garages, closing the doors behind them. I had seen it time and again in my own small subdivision. Neighbors I barely know turn in, pass me and toss up a quick wave, then pull in and shut the door. I thought about how our vehicles and even our homes have become such insulation to the outside world they are like tombs for the living.
Here I was, getting so much out of this excursion that in contrast I saw so much of what 'we' miss on a daily basis because we are just too much about the business of busyness and 'to-do'. I was getting to herald in spring with all of my senses: see the vibrant tulips, cherry blossoms, pink dogwoods and other colorful flowers. Hear the birds chirping as they busily nest and doing what birds do. Feel the mix of warm sun and cooler wind. Smell the wild wisteria caught in the breeze.
I could get where I was going using nothing more than my body's energy, and it didn't cost a dime. I got to actually see a few people (the five fellow sojourners) up close, look into their faces, smile and say 'hello'. Alternating walking and running, I could test my endurance and stamina, and know that I was going to be okay. More than that, I had the deep satisfaction of a good sheen of sweat that I had earned.
All that to say, I still find myself yearning for that colorful place far away, where people's lives are slower and less might 'get done' that day, but their days are deeper, richer and more full in the relationships with each other as they weave living into their breathing, moving, working, and playing. I 'see' a house whose front porch meets street, converging in greetings, shared lives and friendship. My heart longs for that picture.
As I walked along, I thought a lot about my time in Costa Rica and Nicaragua and how most people walked everywhere they went. It wasn't uncommon to dodge pedestrian after pedestrian as they traversed along the side of the road. It wasn't a novelty to them, it was a way of life.
So here I was, in small town U.S.A. strolling along the highways and byways of the towns where I call 'home' and I was an anomaly. I got stares and ganders, some waves and smiles and some looks of irritation because at various points, they had to move over a little to allow room. I was one of about five people I actually saw ambling along out on the sidewalks and roads with me. Five during the whole hour and ten minute walk. Five along the whole nearly six-mile trek. This struck me with such stark, sad alienation, but not for me. I found myself morose for citizens everywhere - in my own town, and then in communities across the nation that look much like this picture of contrast that was forming in my mind.
You have to understand: my perspective has been forever altered to see life, people, community, the world differently, having been given the gift of seeing how another part of the world lives daily. As is true for others that are experiencing the same incongruous views of two cultures, I find myself more and more unsettled by my own. The palpable differences are just too great, and one is found to be more and more lacking in what I see for my life.
Let me paint this picture for what I saw as car after car after car passed me. It could be generalized to encompass what we 'look like' to the rest of the world. Remember it is a generalization, but I did witness variations of this one picture continually along the way. Here is what I see when I see 'us' here in this lifestyle we have created out of convenience and comfort:
'We' could be characterized or depicted in caricature by a lumbering, large, gas-slurping 8-passenger SUV, woman behind the wheel on a cell phone, trying to coordinate fourteen things that still have to take place that day. Meanwhile, two children ride along in the middle seat - one watching a DVD on the player strapped to the back of the seat while running errands and one is engrossed in the latest handheld gaming device. No one is really talking except Mom as she chatters away to whoever is on the phone. On to the next 'thing'. Always going, going, going.
I had finally made it to the post office in good time and decided that I would just keep going. I had other things I wanted to accomplish today, but I couldn't think of a better day to stay outside, listen to tunes and walk. It was energizing.
I thought about how those same vehicles would most likely pull into their subdivisions, rows of houses stretched neatly along their streets, and roll right up into their garages, closing the doors behind them. I had seen it time and again in my own small subdivision. Neighbors I barely know turn in, pass me and toss up a quick wave, then pull in and shut the door. I thought about how our vehicles and even our homes have become such insulation to the outside world they are like tombs for the living.
Here I was, getting so much out of this excursion that in contrast I saw so much of what 'we' miss on a daily basis because we are just too much about the business of busyness and 'to-do'. I was getting to herald in spring with all of my senses: see the vibrant tulips, cherry blossoms, pink dogwoods and other colorful flowers. Hear the birds chirping as they busily nest and doing what birds do. Feel the mix of warm sun and cooler wind. Smell the wild wisteria caught in the breeze.
I could get where I was going using nothing more than my body's energy, and it didn't cost a dime. I got to actually see a few people (the five fellow sojourners) up close, look into their faces, smile and say 'hello'. Alternating walking and running, I could test my endurance and stamina, and know that I was going to be okay. More than that, I had the deep satisfaction of a good sheen of sweat that I had earned.
All that to say, I still find myself yearning for that colorful place far away, where people's lives are slower and less might 'get done' that day, but their days are deeper, richer and more full in the relationships with each other as they weave living into their breathing, moving, working, and playing. I 'see' a house whose front porch meets street, converging in greetings, shared lives and friendship. My heart longs for that picture.
April 3, 2011
On Your Mark, Get Set....
GO?!?!
So I have been accepted into a coveted spot in the annual Atlanta Peachtree Roadrace again. I have done this once. Eight.years.ago. I got the t-shirt to prove I survived it.
This is my actual t-shirt. They are like medals of honor in these parts. I got mine. I prize this t-shirt to this day. It represents an accomplishment I never thought I would see in my life. I finished something I started. It is also bound to a cool memory with my brother and then sister-in-law.
I honestly think I may be in better shape physically now than I was back then. I tried to begin training some before the first race then, but in all honestly I just wasn't as driven then to exercise and work out. Compound that with my work and two much younger kids with busy schedules (then nine and seven) and I just didn't make it a priority. I also fought a horrific bout of bronchitis/near pneumonia that had me down and weak for over a month in the spring. Yet I did it. Felt like a complete noodle afterwards and I don't think I could move the next day but hey - I felt no qualms about enjoying a wondrous 4th of July feast with no guilt later that day.
So, inspired by my brother again and a short-lived plan he had to get married in the middle of the race, I signed up again. This year they are doing the registration a little different. Years ago, before the widespread use of the internet, you had to anticipate the issue of the Atlanta Journal Constitution to come out with the application where you would hurriedly submit it and hope you got it mailed early enough. There was a cut off and they took first come, first serve after the qualifying runners.
This year is the first year they are doing the draw completely by lottery and registration is completely online. So after hearing of Jeff's plans, I went online to see if I could get registered and hope I would get picked. Plans have changed since, but I am in the race. I have a mix of different emotions.
I am excited to get to do it again after all this time. I had been thinking of doing it for a couple years now. It is one of the craziest, most exciting 10K's around. I will do it by myself this year so I will really see what I am made of as I rely on my own will and endurance to get through it.
My misgivings? I have come through a year of struggle and physical draining that I have yet to experience. My endurance isn't what it was. I am working towards greater strength and physical restoration. It is unreal the toll stress and overload can take on a body. I had no idea.
So this race is a way of saying, I am NOT giving up. I want to get completely well again. I will do my part to get myself there.
As if that weren't enough, I have signed a few of us family members up for the Warrior Dash in May. It's less miles - about 3.02...through tires, and mud, barbed wire and fire. Oh yeah. I am so excited about it. I hope by then I will have really strengthened and increased in stamina by then. But then again, it's all about the costumes and cervezas at the end so who cares?! Ready, Set, GO!!!
So I have been accepted into a coveted spot in the annual Atlanta Peachtree Roadrace again. I have done this once. Eight.years.ago. I got the t-shirt to prove I survived it.
I honestly think I may be in better shape physically now than I was back then. I tried to begin training some before the first race then, but in all honestly I just wasn't as driven then to exercise and work out. Compound that with my work and two much younger kids with busy schedules (then nine and seven) and I just didn't make it a priority. I also fought a horrific bout of bronchitis/near pneumonia that had me down and weak for over a month in the spring. Yet I did it. Felt like a complete noodle afterwards and I don't think I could move the next day but hey - I felt no qualms about enjoying a wondrous 4th of July feast with no guilt later that day.
So, inspired by my brother again and a short-lived plan he had to get married in the middle of the race, I signed up again. This year they are doing the registration a little different. Years ago, before the widespread use of the internet, you had to anticipate the issue of the Atlanta Journal Constitution to come out with the application where you would hurriedly submit it and hope you got it mailed early enough. There was a cut off and they took first come, first serve after the qualifying runners.
This year is the first year they are doing the draw completely by lottery and registration is completely online. So after hearing of Jeff's plans, I went online to see if I could get registered and hope I would get picked. Plans have changed since, but I am in the race. I have a mix of different emotions.
I am excited to get to do it again after all this time. I had been thinking of doing it for a couple years now. It is one of the craziest, most exciting 10K's around. I will do it by myself this year so I will really see what I am made of as I rely on my own will and endurance to get through it.
My misgivings? I have come through a year of struggle and physical draining that I have yet to experience. My endurance isn't what it was. I am working towards greater strength and physical restoration. It is unreal the toll stress and overload can take on a body. I had no idea.
So this race is a way of saying, I am NOT giving up. I want to get completely well again. I will do my part to get myself there.
As if that weren't enough, I have signed a few of us family members up for the Warrior Dash in May. It's less miles - about 3.02...through tires, and mud, barbed wire and fire. Oh yeah. I am so excited about it. I hope by then I will have really strengthened and increased in stamina by then. But then again, it's all about the costumes and cervezas at the end so who cares?! Ready, Set, GO!!!
April 2, 2011
Second Installment
When in need of a little classic greatness...this is the second installment of the random song roulette from my Amore playlist.
Lunar Fire
'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' ~Thomas Haynes Bayly
This had been the thought that was sifting around in my brain that night on the plane back home from Central America. For reasons I can not explain, my thoughts work this way: random words and phrases, ideas and ponderings flit through my consciousness and I then take hold of them to think on them deeply. I don't know why. It's the way I'm made.
So here I was, wondering at the idea of this quote and I looked out the window of the plane. I was by myself in the row of seats. The half empty plane allowed for most everyone to have a row of seats to themselves. It was evening - dark enough there was no light left in the sky but before the moon had come into view.
Then I witnessed something I have never seen - the near full moon rising as if being birthed of the ocean. It started out barely visible, just a crimson apparition over the water. I was most astounded that it appeared the moon was below me, something I have never experienced. I was pressed to the window, stilled in wonder. I did not want to blink and miss anything of its metamorphosis. It floated up slowly, an inflamed helium balloon in slow motion. I tried to catch a couple of pictures of it but the low lighting in the plane, the window and the darkness hindered that. I found someone else's shot that looks similar but still does not compare:
I took a second to rise up over the seats to look front and back to see if anyone else was witnessing this. No one was facing the window. Most were leaned back, head tilted, eyes closed. Headphones in and they were missing this incredible vision of beauty. I wondered, is this the way most people go through life? In a state of 'sleep', eyes closed to the very things that illuminate life around them? I am not one of them.
As it continued to rise, its near fullness rounded and tumescent, it transitioned from red to fire, warming to the color of copper. Its appearance a flame lit from some mysterious wick. It was then it struck me that I had the answer to my ponderings. Just before it became the near white-hot glow of the hottest flame before the blue.
This had been the thought that was sifting around in my brain that night on the plane back home from Central America. For reasons I can not explain, my thoughts work this way: random words and phrases, ideas and ponderings flit through my consciousness and I then take hold of them to think on them deeply. I don't know why. It's the way I'm made.
So here I was, wondering at the idea of this quote and I looked out the window of the plane. I was by myself in the row of seats. The half empty plane allowed for most everyone to have a row of seats to themselves. It was evening - dark enough there was no light left in the sky but before the moon had come into view.
Then I witnessed something I have never seen - the near full moon rising as if being birthed of the ocean. It started out barely visible, just a crimson apparition over the water. I was most astounded that it appeared the moon was below me, something I have never experienced. I was pressed to the window, stilled in wonder. I did not want to blink and miss anything of its metamorphosis. It floated up slowly, an inflamed helium balloon in slow motion. I tried to catch a couple of pictures of it but the low lighting in the plane, the window and the darkness hindered that. I found someone else's shot that looks similar but still does not compare:
I took a second to rise up over the seats to look front and back to see if anyone else was witnessing this. No one was facing the window. Most were leaned back, head tilted, eyes closed. Headphones in and they were missing this incredible vision of beauty. I wondered, is this the way most people go through life? In a state of 'sleep', eyes closed to the very things that illuminate life around them? I am not one of them.
As it continued to rise, its near fullness rounded and tumescent, it transitioned from red to fire, warming to the color of copper. Its appearance a flame lit from some mysterious wick. It was then it struck me that I had the answer to my ponderings. Just before it became the near white-hot glow of the hottest flame before the blue.
"L'absence diminue les mediocres passions et augmente les grandes,
comme le vent eteint les bougies et allume le feu."
~Francois Due de la Rochefoucauld
Blue Foundation - Bonfires
was given wine
We’re feeling okay
And quite all right
You wash my tears away
And make me wanna stay
And bonfires lit up the shores
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To go beside you
Is where I want to be
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To laugh, to love
Days of roses and wine
Drifting astray
With your hand in mine
You stroke my fears away
And make me wanna stay
And bonfires lit up the shores
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To go beside you
Is where I want to be
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To laugh, to love
(Wa fa fa-wey)
Where to go and hide?
We’re going to the sea
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To laugh, to love
And this is how it went;
I am here to stay
Roaring with the wind
There’s life within
This is what I give
A circle is complete
Another circle spins
There’s life within
Within
We’re feeling okay
And quite all right
You wash my tears away
And make me wanna stay
And bonfires lit up the shores
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To go beside you
Is where I want to be
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To laugh, to love
Days of roses and wine
Drifting astray
With your hand in mine
You stroke my fears away
And make me wanna stay
And bonfires lit up the shores
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To go beside you
Is where I want to be
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To laugh, to love
(Wa fa fa-wey)
Where to go and hide?
We’re going to the sea
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To laugh, to love
And this is how it went;
I am here to stay
Roaring with the wind
There’s life within
This is what I give
A circle is complete
Another circle spins
There’s life within
Within
Chunking - Following
I highly recommend that you put this on full screen, grab your favorite beverage, let your eyes stare until they unfocus just a little and let your mind go where it will. Love this song.
Well you don't wanna start
But I don't wanna cry
I'm not getting tired of you
Well are you getting over
While I'm getting by
Even all the times I've thought
What we had, of course it makes me sad
That is when I say to myself
I won't be following
You were just borrowing me
Just one more cup of coffee
Before you have to leave
This room's not getting tired of you
I'm hungry for familiar
Look forward to my bath
Underwater time machine knows
Where you'll be,
I hope you think of me,
Even though you say to yourself
I won't be following x3
you oooooooooooh
[instrumental]
I won't be following
What we had, because it makes me sad
We could be wrong, maybe we belong
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