I will not pretend to know what it must be like for the families of the passengers of Flight 370. There are really no words to describe what they are going through, and have for the last 20 plus days. I will not act like my experience is 'like' theirs.
And yet, EVERY human experience is just that- an individual, highly personal human encounter. We really can not compare situations or circumstances, because to THAT person, what they are experiencing and feel, is VERY real, and raw, and true. I have always taken the stance that I can not discount another's pain or sorrow because it seems insignificant to me. It may be the whole world to that person going through it, and that is enough to validate and respect.
Conversely to my last post about 'knowing', not knowing can be one of the most painful, bewildering situations to walk through. No matter the circumstance, when you don't understand, when you have no rhyme or reason, and you can't grasp anything solid to help you make sense of something, it can be maddening. For those of us who think through every possible scenario, unless we relent to some sense of peace and trust in what is, we could drive ourselves to lunacy.
Particularly in the area of relationships with people, when you aren't sure if it was something you said, didn't say, failed to do, or did - well, there just isn't any way to know.
Not knowing what needed to be said.
Not knowing where to go from here.
Not knowing anything at all.
Except to Trust.
March 30, 2014
March 25, 2014
To Know
This week's Listicles is an interesting topic. 10 Times you 'just knew'. This one hits hard. I will respond in a generalized way.
10 Times I Just 'Knew'...
1. that there is a Greater Being in this world that loves me, and all of us, unconditionally.
2. that I'll never see someone again.
3. that I've met a soul that complements your own.
4. that something was terribly wrong.
5. that there was a health concern that doctors were completely overlooking.
6. that someone was involved in something harmful.
7. that there really are new mercies every morning.
8. that love can can truly transcend time and space.
9. that everything has a purpose.
10. that hearts can go on with gaping wounds and missing pieces.
10 Times I Just 'Knew'...
1. that there is a Greater Being in this world that loves me, and all of us, unconditionally.
2. that I'll never see someone again.
3. that I've met a soul that complements your own.
4. that something was terribly wrong.
5. that there was a health concern that doctors were completely overlooking.
6. that someone was involved in something harmful.
7. that there really are new mercies every morning.
8. that love can can truly transcend time and space.
9. that everything has a purpose.
10. that hearts can go on with gaping wounds and missing pieces.
March 23, 2014
Sand in the Junk Drawer
I haven't done a Junk Drawer post since January. It is time, once again, to rummage and locate an extra hinge, the spool of fishing line and the random #8 birthday candle (can I go back and be 8? 28? Even 38???). I have determined I now have about 62 posts left to 1000. I think that I am set on aiming for that number, and soon. It's time. I have tentatively toyed with the idea of linking up with the A-to-Z Challenge once more, and while it would be QUITE the challenge (to manage a post a day), it would expedite my goal to get to the 1000th post. I don't know that I would have a theme, and I certainly don't have pre-planned posts but would just jump in and see what happens.
So there's that.
I believe my blog friend, Funny, asked for pictures of my location last week. My last post was about Waiting, specifically waiting for the sunrise. I didn't take a lot of pictures but borrowed a couple from my daughter, who is ALWAYS taking pictures. Here are a couple:
I guess this Junk Drawer is becoming a short summary of my week at the beach for spring break. Fabulous - some sense of cohesiveness.
In keeping with this theme, I find that people watching at the beach is an unending source of amusement and curiosity. There were a few observations from this last trip to the shore. First, a witnessing of two groups of complete (an unlikely) strangers becoming fast friends. Our first day out in the sun found us next to a group of three ladies, probably in their mid-to-late sixties. They came out to the sand dragging chairs from the pool area (currently seasonly closed), a boombox, circa 1987, a cooler on wheels and bags of towels, sunscreen, coozies. It was early afternoon but they had already been hitting the blender. Their loud chatter and laughter gave them away. Next to them, a group of college girls, absorbed in their phones, selfies, and their own conversations. The next thing I knew, the two groups met, and merged, and I heard snippets of introduction and 'Where are you from?', more laughter. One of the more 'seasoned' ladies went back up to her room, returning with a stack of cups and a pitcher of mojitos. Take one down, pass it around. Cheers and new friends. They talked for a while longer, both groups joining in with a group of young men throwing frisbees and footballs (THAT was humorous!) and a good time was had by all.
Then there was this couple:
They were absolutely adorable. Also probably in their sixties, they came walking out with their chairs and a convenience store, wind up disposable camera. They came out there holding hands. After setting up their chairs close, the husband proceeded to remove his shirt and start striking funny poses - body builder pose and flexing in different stances. She was snapping pictures between laughter, head thrown back, mouth open.
This shot was one in a series I took of them standing together, while he was doing something - removing sand from her chin? brushing her hair from her eyes? I don't know, but it had to have been the sweetest moment I have ever witnessed. Right after this shot, I snapped another, of her head bent forward on his chest. Later, they found a pair of ladies walking by to snap their picture together, posed in a kiss.
Maybe I could create a story about these two. It is certainly a rare and beautiful one, for sure. Just beautiful.
So there's that.
I believe my blog friend, Funny, asked for pictures of my location last week. My last post was about Waiting, specifically waiting for the sunrise. I didn't take a lot of pictures but borrowed a couple from my daughter, who is ALWAYS taking pictures. Here are a couple:
Our time out on the beach to wait for the sunrise. We were wrapped in bed blankets, donning pajama bottoms and chacos (because at the beach it is perfectly acceptable to wear pj bottoms out in public.). There's nothing like it.
The first few days it was VERY cold and overcast. We spent much of that time bundled up in the condo, catching up on rest, reading, and movies. For some, it could have been a complete 'bust' to get to the beach, anticipating days in the sun and sand and finding themselves stuck inside, but it was a welcome reprieve.
After a couple of days, we finally decided that we HAD to get out, so we made our way to a stretch of shops that are normally teeming with vacationers in the warm months. It was barren except for the birds taking up residence along the railings. We found a coffeehouse to stop and warm up. Behold what I found inside:
People, each table was a metallic surface, covered in WORDS!!! Magnetic Poetry waiting to happen!! I haven't done any Fridge Poetry in a while (I am not sure why) but here is my Magnetic Table Poetry:
In keeping with this theme, I find that people watching at the beach is an unending source of amusement and curiosity. There were a few observations from this last trip to the shore. First, a witnessing of two groups of complete (an unlikely) strangers becoming fast friends. Our first day out in the sun found us next to a group of three ladies, probably in their mid-to-late sixties. They came out to the sand dragging chairs from the pool area (currently seasonly closed), a boombox, circa 1987, a cooler on wheels and bags of towels, sunscreen, coozies. It was early afternoon but they had already been hitting the blender. Their loud chatter and laughter gave them away. Next to them, a group of college girls, absorbed in their phones, selfies, and their own conversations. The next thing I knew, the two groups met, and merged, and I heard snippets of introduction and 'Where are you from?', more laughter. One of the more 'seasoned' ladies went back up to her room, returning with a stack of cups and a pitcher of mojitos. Take one down, pass it around. Cheers and new friends. They talked for a while longer, both groups joining in with a group of young men throwing frisbees and footballs (THAT was humorous!) and a good time was had by all.
Then there was this couple:
This shot was one in a series I took of them standing together, while he was doing something - removing sand from her chin? brushing her hair from her eyes? I don't know, but it had to have been the sweetest moment I have ever witnessed. Right after this shot, I snapped another, of her head bent forward on his chest. Later, they found a pair of ladies walking by to snap their picture together, posed in a kiss.
Maybe I could create a story about these two. It is certainly a rare and beautiful one, for sure. Just beautiful.
March 21, 2014
Waiting on the Waiting
It is very early, by vacation standards. I had been up even earlier than this, slipping from my murky sleep, straining to hear the waves through the window until I finally relented, and got up to come into the other room so that I could slide the glass door aside and be enveloped in the familiar sound. One flutter of drape, and the whole wall opened up, letting the outside in.
I have been perched here in the morning dark, feeling the coolness drift in over my bare feet, watching the white apparition of wave appear and disappear. As time here draws to a close, I always find myself desperately trying to soak up as much of the sound, the salted air, the weight of it in my lungs to carry it home with me. This morning I am waiting.
I am waiting to wait - my daughter is the one that will always rise at least once when we're at the beach, in the fresh dark of a new day to go with me to wait for sunrise. It has been a ritual of sorts, for us, over the years. We've shared damp towels to perch upon, blankets to bundle under and mugs of hot coffee to wrap our fingers around as we wait for the earth to rotate just so, to feel like the first beings to see the daily reminder that there is always such a thing as second chances.
This morning is that morning, so I wait to go wait on day's elegant arrival.
Waiting is so much a part of this life. Waiting on news. Waiting for words. Waiting for needs, wants, desires to be met. Waiting with anticipation or dread. This waiting, this morning that I inhabit the wait, I am trying to be present in it. So often in waiting we are so focused on anticipating what we're waiting for that we completely miss the moments that surround us.
The gentle curl of curtain. A rhythm found in deep listening. Waiting that starts to feel like wonder.
Let me be found content in the waiting.
I have been perched here in the morning dark, feeling the coolness drift in over my bare feet, watching the white apparition of wave appear and disappear. As time here draws to a close, I always find myself desperately trying to soak up as much of the sound, the salted air, the weight of it in my lungs to carry it home with me. This morning I am waiting.
I am waiting to wait - my daughter is the one that will always rise at least once when we're at the beach, in the fresh dark of a new day to go with me to wait for sunrise. It has been a ritual of sorts, for us, over the years. We've shared damp towels to perch upon, blankets to bundle under and mugs of hot coffee to wrap our fingers around as we wait for the earth to rotate just so, to feel like the first beings to see the daily reminder that there is always such a thing as second chances.
This morning is that morning, so I wait to go wait on day's elegant arrival.
Waiting is so much a part of this life. Waiting on news. Waiting for words. Waiting for needs, wants, desires to be met. Waiting with anticipation or dread. This waiting, this morning that I inhabit the wait, I am trying to be present in it. So often in waiting we are so focused on anticipating what we're waiting for that we completely miss the moments that surround us.
The gentle curl of curtain. A rhythm found in deep listening. Waiting that starts to feel like wonder.
Let me be found content in the waiting.
March 18, 2014
By the Sea
Content to sit beside
quiet while you sigh,
breathe in and out.
Like a lover,
satisfied to be
silent in the presence
of your love,
the rhythm of your moves,
my peace.
March 17, 2014
The More Things Change
This week's Listicles is the theme, 'Ten Things that are Not the Same as Ten Years Ago'.
Ten years ago - it was 2004. It is incredible to take a frame of time and really look back, at how fast it truly goes by, and how much our lives change in the midst of it.
I am blown away at the changes personally from then to now:
In 2004, I:
1. had been in our house that we built for a year.
2. was still a reading specialist, in the middle of working on my Masters Degree.
3. had not been in my 30's long.
4. did not have a smart phone (those were the days...).
5. had an eight- and ten-year-old. (THAT just hit me right in the Mom heart.)
6. drove over seven speed bumps several times a day to get to/from work and to run kids to practices. (Reason # 412 that we gave up the house we built.)
7. had not heard of facebook, that was only a little over a month old at that point.
8. had not yet discovered my love for adventure.
9. still had my Papa and my aunt on this earth.
10. still had my Dotsie (dachshund).
Ten years ago - it was 2004. It is incredible to take a frame of time and really look back, at how fast it truly goes by, and how much our lives change in the midst of it.
I am blown away at the changes personally from then to now:
In 2004, I:
1. had been in our house that we built for a year.
2. was still a reading specialist, in the middle of working on my Masters Degree.
3. had not been in my 30's long.
4. did not have a smart phone (those were the days...).
5. had an eight- and ten-year-old. (THAT just hit me right in the Mom heart.)
6. drove over seven speed bumps several times a day to get to/from work and to run kids to practices. (Reason # 412 that we gave up the house we built.)
7. had not heard of facebook, that was only a little over a month old at that point.
8. had not yet discovered my love for adventure.
9. still had my Papa and my aunt on this earth.
10. still had my Dotsie (dachshund).
March 8, 2014
Thankful Thoughts
I know. Please sit down if this shock is too much, but I am actually posting two days. in.a.row. I'm getting crazy 'round here. Look out.
Actually, I happened to take a break from cranking out a midterm to read through a few blogs and came upon Josie's Thankful Thoughts over at Two Shoes in Texas. It inspired me to do my own.
Behold, that which maketh me thankfuleth:
1. Of course top of my list is Best Girl arriving safely home, on U.S. soil, and then back into our fold as of last weekend. It has been an adjustment for her - a good one, but also bittersweet. She falls hard for people and part of her heart is now in India with those beautiful people, as well as her Orlando 'family'. Coming back into the States after being in a third world country can also be such a culture shock, as evidenced by her completely losing it in the middle of Target. I spotted her across the racks, standing there, scrunch-faced and crying. So there we both were, tangled up in a tight hug - in the middle of Target. She was overwhelmed by the excess of so much that we just don't need. That's wisdom right there.
2. This is going to be another shocker so if you didn't already sit down from seeing two posts in a row, you might want to grab a chair now: I'm thankful that I am now at peace with what I am currently doing. (pause for effect) Yes, I just said that I am good with being a professor (for now) and being involved in education (for now). There have been some mighty hefty prayers answered to get me to this place, and if you know me at all, you would realize you've witnessed a miracle. A complete 180 in attitude does not come by way of ease and self-realization, y'all. Especially when the self is stubborn and dead-set convinced otherwise. So there's that.
3. I truly am not wishing my life away, but I am glad that time does seem to be moving rapidly forward. This because with summer just around the corner, hopeful things are on the horizon. I look forward to all the usual fun and frivolity summer contains. I have high hopes of tackling some much neglected home projects and clean out. I look to try and really purge out from under all the 'stuff' that we do not need. In the event we could or need to move, I want it to be easy. I would also like to do another road trip, possibly a visit to the Ozark Mountains and/or the Outer Banks.
4. I am thankful - BOTH Eldest and Best Girl have landed summer internships locally. They too, are grateful that they have work lined up for the summer.
5. A week from Monday, we will be at the beach with Best Girl and one of her buds. I do hope it will be somewhat warm. I'll settle for cool sun. It's the beach after all.
6. I found a fabulous doctor that I went to see for the first time Thursday. FINALLY, I think that I will have the kind of comprehensive and integrative care that is so rare and so very needed. I really am very excited about what this will mean for my health. Granted, I had to give up about 6 gallons of blood for all the testing but hey, you can't say the fellow isn't thorough.
7. I feel the approaching end of semester in sight. It is near. Glimmers of May surface, like the horizon.
8. Both sets of parents are alive and doing well. My father-in-law has had some terrible issues in the last year or so, but has been much better recently. More and more I realize that each day that we have our parents with us is a gift.
9. Today is International Women's Day, and I couldn't be more glad to be a gal than I am today. So many incredibly strong women I know.
10. Today I got outside in the yard to pick up fallen twigs (just a reason, any reason, to get outside) and I saw this:
Spring isn't far away. Come on, spring!
Actually, I happened to take a break from cranking out a midterm to read through a few blogs and came upon Josie's Thankful Thoughts over at Two Shoes in Texas. It inspired me to do my own.
Behold, that which maketh me thankfuleth:
1. Of course top of my list is Best Girl arriving safely home, on U.S. soil, and then back into our fold as of last weekend. It has been an adjustment for her - a good one, but also bittersweet. She falls hard for people and part of her heart is now in India with those beautiful people, as well as her Orlando 'family'. Coming back into the States after being in a third world country can also be such a culture shock, as evidenced by her completely losing it in the middle of Target. I spotted her across the racks, standing there, scrunch-faced and crying. So there we both were, tangled up in a tight hug - in the middle of Target. She was overwhelmed by the excess of so much that we just don't need. That's wisdom right there.
2. This is going to be another shocker so if you didn't already sit down from seeing two posts in a row, you might want to grab a chair now: I'm thankful that I am now at peace with what I am currently doing. (pause for effect) Yes, I just said that I am good with being a professor (for now) and being involved in education (for now). There have been some mighty hefty prayers answered to get me to this place, and if you know me at all, you would realize you've witnessed a miracle. A complete 180 in attitude does not come by way of ease and self-realization, y'all. Especially when the self is stubborn and dead-set convinced otherwise. So there's that.
3. I truly am not wishing my life away, but I am glad that time does seem to be moving rapidly forward. This because with summer just around the corner, hopeful things are on the horizon. I look forward to all the usual fun and frivolity summer contains. I have high hopes of tackling some much neglected home projects and clean out. I look to try and really purge out from under all the 'stuff' that we do not need. In the event we could or need to move, I want it to be easy. I would also like to do another road trip, possibly a visit to the Ozark Mountains and/or the Outer Banks.
4. I am thankful - BOTH Eldest and Best Girl have landed summer internships locally. They too, are grateful that they have work lined up for the summer.
5. A week from Monday, we will be at the beach with Best Girl and one of her buds. I do hope it will be somewhat warm. I'll settle for cool sun. It's the beach after all.
6. I found a fabulous doctor that I went to see for the first time Thursday. FINALLY, I think that I will have the kind of comprehensive and integrative care that is so rare and so very needed. I really am very excited about what this will mean for my health. Granted, I had to give up about 6 gallons of blood for all the testing but hey, you can't say the fellow isn't thorough.
7. I feel the approaching end of semester in sight. It is near. Glimmers of May surface, like the horizon.
8. Both sets of parents are alive and doing well. My father-in-law has had some terrible issues in the last year or so, but has been much better recently. More and more I realize that each day that we have our parents with us is a gift.
9. Today is International Women's Day, and I couldn't be more glad to be a gal than I am today. So many incredibly strong women I know.
10. Today I got outside in the yard to pick up fallen twigs (just a reason, any reason, to get outside) and I saw this:
March 7, 2014
Be the Story, Tell the Story
Is it just me, or are the days stuck on fast forward, hurling toward the 'future' which was yesterday, a week ago? I blinked and this week was done. Friday broke through like the blue skies this afternoon after days of wet wool skies. An entire evening (overnight and tomorrow!) lay before me - all mine. Hubs and Best Girl are headed on a Dad/Daughter adventure, babysitting four of the most handsome nephews on the planet. They left before I got home, so I walked out into the unfamiliar sun to head home, planning an evening of catching up, writing midterms and, if I played my cards right, time here.....swaying again in this far-too-often neglected hammock.
Readership has fallen so far that what posts surface lately, echo out into an empty room. I am at peace with it. I have exactly sixty-seven posts left until I reach 1000, and then we shall see what becomes of this Cyber Hammock, turning FIVE at the end of May. That is a long time. Maybe some times things run its course, or wear out. Who knows?
My lack of being here regularly does not, in any way, indicate an absence of stories I want to tell, things I could share, but for the shortage of time. Next week might be a slightly less jam-packed week, and the following week is (bliss) spring break for me so I hope to 'catch up'. In the mean time, I will share my story from this week.
(Warning - this may be long.....to the two of you here reading.)
As one of my (four) roles I currently hold, I supervise teacher candidates in their last semester during what is called clinical practice, what is more commonly known as student teaching. In this day of complete upheaval in the educational system, this is akin to tightrope walking. The tedious balance of increased expectations, standards and outcomes, and the novice teachers, just learning the chaos they chose as a profession. I went for an observation of one of my students, struggling more so than the others. Classroom management is hard. It is the bane of many seasoned educators. It can be the thing of nightmares and cold sweats for the beginner.
As had been the pattern, classroom management issues surfaced yet again, and I inwardly sighed - how could I get him to see HOW to be proactive? A short debrief session in between the music schedule for the day and it was time to bring the cherubs back into the room. I had given him a couple of suggestions to try, and he took them on without question. Things started out okay.....and then it started to spiral downward, abort ship, full throttle to the ground, activate ejection. The debate within in dire situations like this is: do I intervene or do I wait it out?
In this rare occurrence, I intervened. Not directed to the teacher candidate, but to the students. First, I addressed the few (very few) that were trying to be on-task and listening. The ripple effect worked, and soon little bodies wiggled to match the aforementioned few.
Then I addressed the collective whole:
Me: 'Do you want to be powerful?'
Little cherub - 'Like God's power?'
Me: 'Well, He is all powerful, but I am talking about the kind of power that brings respect. Do you know what that power is? *pause (tapping my temple) 'Knowledge. Being smart makes you powerful, and with that power you can do anything in your life. That kind of power will do so much for you. Some of you aren't showing this kind of smart power by your actions. Those that were listening, and waiting to learn? They will be powerful, like all of you can be.'
You could have heard a pin drop. 18 sets of eyes on me, riveted, not moving. Things settled down.
For a minute or two.
Finally, I sat back and just started watching the group, observing the outward dynamics and trying to get at its inner workings. The idea of race, and discipline, and behaviors had been on my mind, hard, pushed down and pressing all week. There is a random sample of behavior issue = discipline going on in this particular classroom, and it is primarily led by two little African American boys.
I had heard the stories my teacher candidate told of their issues, outbursts, struggles. He'd described his (elementary and reactionary) way of addressing them.
There has to be a way to get at these boys. I knew their backgrounds - one was fatherless. The other, being raised by grandmother and Dad, who had had him at age 17. The mom was off at boot camp. These stories are more common than rare.
The transition moved them to the next activity, and these two fellas continued to test the limits and do everything BUT just knocking out the simple task in front of them. How and why did this pattern start?
I called each one over and had a similar talk with both, again about being powerful, except this time I said, 'Don't you want to be a powerful grown man one day?' I then told them that the last time I had been there I noticed how smart they are. Both of them really are - my teacher candidate has indicated as such, on rare occasions that it surfaces.
I looked them right in their dark as night eyes and said, 'YOU are smart. Let your actions SHOW how smart you are.'
Their whole countenance changed. They stood up a little taller. They both rattled off, 'Yes ma'am.' when I asked a question. They took off like a shot when I said, 'Go show how smart you are.'
And I watched.
They dove right into their cooperative learning groups, paper and pencil in hand, head bent in earnest productivity. I had learned that with students like this, you can not wait a whole learning segment to recognize good work, so I waited three whole minutes to see if this transformation would be sustained, and then I went to both of them, to touch lightly on their shoulder, and to accompany with the words, 'You are being very smart.'
I watched for about ten more minutes, and in that time, one of the little guys rushed over to me, his paper thrust in front of him, 'See what I did?' He had written three full sentences. A landmark event. I asked him to slap me a big, fat five, and he raced off back in the direction of his group.
As I was leaving, I gathered the boys one last time to commend them for SHOWING how smart they are, and the one guy that had shown me his paper earlier, showed it again, this time, full of scribe. I fist pumped, 'Yessssss!!! THAT is the way to be powerful!' They wanted to know when I would be back. Would a prize be involved (God love their child hearts). I could not get their beaming faces out of my mind.
Fast forward (because that is the mode time is operating in at present) to the next day and I was talking to my Founds of Education class. We had managed four decades of educational history in 10 minutes the class session before (I believe we set a record.). We were on to the current landscape, the rocky crag that it is. One issue that I raised was whether racial issues had improved since Brown v. Board.
Then I perched on the singular stool in the center of the room and told them a story. The story of the two boys in the classroom I'd been in the day before.
This issue (as had others) has gripped me, and I asked, 'Had ANYONE in their life dared to tell them they were smart and they could be powerful with all of that knowledge, if they would just reach for it?'
I paused, looked each on of my educator hopefuls in the eyes and, with a voice that cracked with emotion, spoke again, 'Does anyone.........someone EVER tell them they are smart?'
I hope that is a class they remember.
Readership has fallen so far that what posts surface lately, echo out into an empty room. I am at peace with it. I have exactly sixty-seven posts left until I reach 1000, and then we shall see what becomes of this Cyber Hammock, turning FIVE at the end of May. That is a long time. Maybe some times things run its course, or wear out. Who knows?
My lack of being here regularly does not, in any way, indicate an absence of stories I want to tell, things I could share, but for the shortage of time. Next week might be a slightly less jam-packed week, and the following week is (bliss) spring break for me so I hope to 'catch up'. In the mean time, I will share my story from this week.
(Warning - this may be long.....to the two of you here reading.)
As one of my (four) roles I currently hold, I supervise teacher candidates in their last semester during what is called clinical practice, what is more commonly known as student teaching. In this day of complete upheaval in the educational system, this is akin to tightrope walking. The tedious balance of increased expectations, standards and outcomes, and the novice teachers, just learning the chaos they chose as a profession. I went for an observation of one of my students, struggling more so than the others. Classroom management is hard. It is the bane of many seasoned educators. It can be the thing of nightmares and cold sweats for the beginner.
As had been the pattern, classroom management issues surfaced yet again, and I inwardly sighed - how could I get him to see HOW to be proactive? A short debrief session in between the music schedule for the day and it was time to bring the cherubs back into the room. I had given him a couple of suggestions to try, and he took them on without question. Things started out okay.....and then it started to spiral downward, abort ship, full throttle to the ground, activate ejection. The debate within in dire situations like this is: do I intervene or do I wait it out?
In this rare occurrence, I intervened. Not directed to the teacher candidate, but to the students. First, I addressed the few (very few) that were trying to be on-task and listening. The ripple effect worked, and soon little bodies wiggled to match the aforementioned few.
Then I addressed the collective whole:
Me: 'Do you want to be powerful?'
Little cherub - 'Like God's power?'
Me: 'Well, He is all powerful, but I am talking about the kind of power that brings respect. Do you know what that power is? *pause (tapping my temple) 'Knowledge. Being smart makes you powerful, and with that power you can do anything in your life. That kind of power will do so much for you. Some of you aren't showing this kind of smart power by your actions. Those that were listening, and waiting to learn? They will be powerful, like all of you can be.'
You could have heard a pin drop. 18 sets of eyes on me, riveted, not moving. Things settled down.
For a minute or two.
Finally, I sat back and just started watching the group, observing the outward dynamics and trying to get at its inner workings. The idea of race, and discipline, and behaviors had been on my mind, hard, pushed down and pressing all week. There is a random sample of behavior issue = discipline going on in this particular classroom, and it is primarily led by two little African American boys.
I had heard the stories my teacher candidate told of their issues, outbursts, struggles. He'd described his (elementary and reactionary) way of addressing them.
There has to be a way to get at these boys. I knew their backgrounds - one was fatherless. The other, being raised by grandmother and Dad, who had had him at age 17. The mom was off at boot camp. These stories are more common than rare.
The transition moved them to the next activity, and these two fellas continued to test the limits and do everything BUT just knocking out the simple task in front of them. How and why did this pattern start?
I called each one over and had a similar talk with both, again about being powerful, except this time I said, 'Don't you want to be a powerful grown man one day?' I then told them that the last time I had been there I noticed how smart they are. Both of them really are - my teacher candidate has indicated as such, on rare occasions that it surfaces.
I looked them right in their dark as night eyes and said, 'YOU are smart. Let your actions SHOW how smart you are.'
Their whole countenance changed. They stood up a little taller. They both rattled off, 'Yes ma'am.' when I asked a question. They took off like a shot when I said, 'Go show how smart you are.'
And I watched.
They dove right into their cooperative learning groups, paper and pencil in hand, head bent in earnest productivity. I had learned that with students like this, you can not wait a whole learning segment to recognize good work, so I waited three whole minutes to see if this transformation would be sustained, and then I went to both of them, to touch lightly on their shoulder, and to accompany with the words, 'You are being very smart.'
I watched for about ten more minutes, and in that time, one of the little guys rushed over to me, his paper thrust in front of him, 'See what I did?' He had written three full sentences. A landmark event. I asked him to slap me a big, fat five, and he raced off back in the direction of his group.
As I was leaving, I gathered the boys one last time to commend them for SHOWING how smart they are, and the one guy that had shown me his paper earlier, showed it again, this time, full of scribe. I fist pumped, 'Yessssss!!! THAT is the way to be powerful!' They wanted to know when I would be back. Would a prize be involved (God love their child hearts). I could not get their beaming faces out of my mind.
Fast forward (because that is the mode time is operating in at present) to the next day and I was talking to my Founds of Education class. We had managed four decades of educational history in 10 minutes the class session before (I believe we set a record.). We were on to the current landscape, the rocky crag that it is. One issue that I raised was whether racial issues had improved since Brown v. Board.
Then I perched on the singular stool in the center of the room and told them a story. The story of the two boys in the classroom I'd been in the day before.
This issue (as had others) has gripped me, and I asked, 'Had ANYONE in their life dared to tell them they were smart and they could be powerful with all of that knowledge, if they would just reach for it?'
I paused, looked each on of my educator hopefuls in the eyes and, with a voice that cracked with emotion, spoke again, 'Does anyone.........someone EVER tell them they are smart?'
I hope that is a class they remember.
March 4, 2014
Sixteen-Year-Old Self Listicles
To be fair, I am admitting that:
A) I am a Monday Listicles and a half late to the party. (Surprise!) I still 'owe' from last week's topic (How I Show Love), and I reeeeaally want to write on that one. I'll get to it.
B)I have addressed this week's topic before in a post - Ten Things I would Tell My Sixteen-Year-Old self, from when I did my last give-away, so I am going to post that as a re-run so that I can connect up with the Listicle group and join in. If you've read it already, my apologies.
I am an obnoxious freak when it comes to the 80s. This was another of my faves. I feel graced somehow to have been the age of sixteen during this decade. I was proud of my eightiesness. I carried all that pride and fortitude hidden in my hair. Apparently.
When your hair no longer fits inside the frame of a camera lens? It's big enough for the 80s. I stunk at math, but was a GENIUS at geometry - I could make my hair into a perfect equilateral triangle.
So, step into the way back machine -
What would you tell your sixteen-year-old self?
1. Invest in hair spray.
2. Might want to reconsider passing the Capri Suns at lunch to share. Mono willknock.you.out.
3. You know deep down, the person you really are. Quit listening to all the voices and tune in to the one inside of you.
4. Not to freak you out or anything, but be prepared - in four years you will get married. In another four you will have two babies.
5. Heard the term kissing cousins? For the love of all things sacred and holy, run. Fast. (shudder)
-don't worry...if you need the story, geez...I will try to dredge it up from the recesses.
6. Baby girl, you will find your voice. It stays hidden now because the world just isn't ready for what you have to say. Just hang on. Oh, and one day? You will not be painfully shy anymore. Crazy. I know.
7. DON'T give up your true love - writing. For anyone or anything. I'll say it again -DON'T.
8. In your life, you are going to find out just how strong you are. You have no idea. Just wait.
9. That journey that started with the Petra song on the tape you wore out in the darkness in your room? Hang on. Seatbelt fastened. All limbs inside the vehicle. It IS going to be a wild ride.
10. Never, never, ever settle for anything less than butterflies.
A) I am a Monday Listicles and a half late to the party. (Surprise!) I still 'owe' from last week's topic (How I Show Love), and I reeeeaally want to write on that one. I'll get to it.
B)I have addressed this week's topic before in a post - Ten Things I would Tell My Sixteen-Year-Old self, from when I did my last give-away, so I am going to post that as a re-run so that I can connect up with the Listicle group and join in. If you've read it already, my apologies.
I am an obnoxious freak when it comes to the 80s. This was another of my faves. I feel graced somehow to have been the age of sixteen during this decade. I was proud of my eightiesness. I carried all that pride and fortitude hidden in my hair. Apparently.
So, step into the way back machine -
What would you tell your sixteen-year-old self?
1. Invest in hair spray.
2. Might want to reconsider passing the Capri Suns at lunch to share. Mono willknock.you.out.
3. You know deep down, the person you really are. Quit listening to all the voices and tune in to the one inside of you.
4. Not to freak you out or anything, but be prepared - in four years you will get married. In another four you will have two babies.
5. Heard the term kissing cousins? For the love of all things sacred and holy, run. Fast. (shudder)
-don't worry...if you need the story, geez...I will try to dredge it up from the recesses.
6. Baby girl, you will find your voice. It stays hidden now because the world just isn't ready for what you have to say. Just hang on. Oh, and one day? You will not be painfully shy anymore. Crazy. I know.
7. DON'T give up your true love - writing. For anyone or anything. I'll say it again -DON'T.
8. In your life, you are going to find out just how strong you are. You have no idea. Just wait.
9. That journey that started with the Petra song on the tape you wore out in the darkness in your room? Hang on. Seatbelt fastened. All limbs inside the vehicle. It IS going to be a wild ride.
10. Never, never, ever settle for anything less than butterflies.
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