I was rolling down the highway this evening, headed on an errand that was part necessity, part reclaiming sanity after a day that could have thrown in the towel at ten and been better off. The fresh cut edges of autumn are upon us, and I am straddling two seasons - wholeheartedly gripping my summer self whilst also trying to throw my arms around the approaching fall. At the start of the sun going down, a sharp chill begins at this time of year - maybe it is so markedly noticeable because it is a distinct contrast to the usual summer warmth that seeps into evening. This new crisp cool is novel, all over again.
So I often set off on some curved road, part covered in jackets or blankets (or whatever I can find in the backseat of my car) and the heat full blast, all the while the top is down, streaming gusts of autumn nip across goosebumped arms all the way.
This evening was no different.
A song popped up on my favorites and, isn't it surreal how some tunes can transport you to a specific time and place, and all of a sudden, you can feel, hear, smell and touch that memory again? This evening, the song was U2's 'With or Without You'.
I was one of those that had
The Joshua Tree on repeat. It was late 80's. I had teen angst.
That song, at that time in my life, summed up all the divergent thoughts and emotions of a seventeen-year-old thinker.
Ladies, first of all, you're welcome.
Now step inside the cab of my red and white Ford, and slip on some teen angst as I recall this memory, and this song -
There were quite a few times in the waning days of my senior year that I would tiptoe out of my sleeping house and slide behind the wheel of our truck, parked out in the driveway. It wasn't my car - why did I take that one instead of my own little Nissan Datsun Sentra? I had discovered it's quiet hum of engine compared to my little vehicle propelled by a hairdryer motor and a team of hamsters. Besides, it had a better stereo.
I perfected the neutral roll and could glide that Ford back and turn, and then coast and cut the first left, all without a motor. Crank at truck's length past the turn and I was good to go. Free.
Driving with the lights off until I hit the main road became a skill I had perfected. Once I hit Scenic Highway, all systems go. Cassette thrust into the gaping slot - the familiar hesitant reception of those car cassette systems. Do you remember it? It would accept your tape, pull it in, hesitate and then completely consume. I can still feel the tug as I waited for it to disappear into the console.
So I would follow the darkened streets of my recognized daytime routes - singing, and creeping under red lights (when the coast was clear).
I knew where I wanted to be headed but I always stopped short, and found myself in the barren parking lot of a now defunct Rose's Department store, and the Ekerds where I worked (briefly) and loathed (deeply) at one point and time. I would stop dead center of the entire gridded lot, and hit rewind until I came to 'With or Without You'.
I might sit there under the tangerine streetlight glow for a minute or two to gather all the thoughts causing char marks on the insides of my soul and then fully give myself over to this song, this melding of sounds and lyrics.
Listening to this to get the full effect of my experience won't do on mere speakers. You must enclose yourself into some small space, or put on stellar headphones. The red and white Ford had a pretty decent stereo, therefore the absconding it for this purpose.
At :10 - I would swear my heartbeat was aligning to the thrum of the beat resounding within my world there in the front seat.
For the first minute in, I would close my eyes, imagining that Bono himself, would be singing those brilliant lyrics, mouth against ear, for the first minute of the song.
1:20 'but I want more' Me: gripping my shirt sleeves, arms crossed, eyes closed (of course)
1:43 (fast forward to modern times and you tube) yes, Bono's seeing right through the very fabric of your core.
1:47 air drums
2:04 'And you give, and you give, and you give yourself away.' Pre-reformed people pleaser - you are pounding the slim, ridged steering wheel for all its worth.
2:13 You may or may not have raised your own hands above your head, crossed and belted 'my hands are tied' and kept them aloft for the next few refrains.
3:05 Throwing your arms wide, left hand striking the driver side window with force, you belted the next lines at the top of your lungs.
3:47 air drums
3:48 you whoo hooo'd right along with Bono, one with the beat and the melody and words.
Yeah, amazingly, I made it to my exit tonight, and my final destination. I was also all there, in 1988 in a red and white Ford Pick-up, with Bono.
A few of U2's lesser known tracks, some of my favorites:
